Never Give Up?

Lesley's Blog

This week I began my third round of physical therapy.

It's been two years since I fell while hiking in Britain and severely damaged my ankle. After having the hardware removed fifteen months later I was grateful to be relieved of the chronic pain that had been caused by one of the large screws constantly irritating a tendon. 

However, on the recent trip to Washington D.C. Eric and I walked an average of five miles a day, something we both enjoyed, checking out all the sites. But when I finally rested in the early evening and then tried to walk again the pain was almost unbearable. Fortunately, after the more prolonged rest overnight I was able to walk around that wonderful city again the next day. In spite of the pain in the evenings I loved the walking in the days and was determined not to give up. 

This was the second time in the last few months that I had had this same experience; the first being with my sister in Britain, in March, when we vacationed in the North Yorkshire Moors and walked several miles everyday in that wonderful countryside. We did not walk as far as we have hiked on previous vacations, because of my ankle injury, and I was shocked that I was in so much pain by the end of each day. But I love the hiking and did not want to give in.  

My surgeon in Oklahoma City, for whom I have great respect, has told me that, after such a traumatic injury, my ankle will not be the way it used to be. In spite of that information I am not willing to settle yet. I'm not willing to give up. So I am back for another round of therapy and am determined to work hard to try for another level of healing.

A few years ago one of the advertisements for the NBA finals had the statement "And you never give up. And you never give in". There was something about that phrase that I loved. I found it inspiring and it is helping me keep going with my recovery now.

Like many people I come from a family who never gave up. My parents worked hard and we were taught to do the same. We were also taught to finish what we had started and to start only those things that we were going to finish. In my adult life these lessons have really helped me.

But now in my sixties I recognize I am in a different phase of my life and can rethink some of the old belief systems, an important aspect of this developmental phase. Looking back I can see that sometimes "never give up" became translated into a perfectionistic style creating, unnecessary stress and at times I stuck with things beyond what was helpful or necessary.

Now, although I still make sure that home care and my business are taken care of in a timely and appropriate way, I give myself permission to be more connected with what gives me joy and to release those things that do not. I feel able to try things that I think I might like but not pursue them if I do not really enjoy them. I can change my mind and "give up". I would have liked to have learned to do this a little earlier in my life but "it's better late than never".

Part of what I struggled with when I was younger was wanting to be what I am not. I longed to be the sort of person who was really, really gifted at something, developed that gift and then enjoyed the fruits of that hard work by the joy it would bring me. However, I don't have any special gifts but instead am relatively okay at several things. The result has often been frustration that my longing did not match reality, no matter how hard I tried.

Now, thankgoodness, I am more humble (I hope) and mostly I try to focus on enjoying what is good enough. I still catch myself longing to be "perfect" but I can laugh at that (mostly) and remind myself to enjoy the process and not focus on the product or the goal. It's still a learning phase!! Meanwhile, in my latest endeavor of oriental brushwork I have given up trying to make perfect bamboo and moved onto practicing rocks and trees which I find easier and much more satisfying. We'll see what happens when I try to put an actual landscape together.

So, enjoy learning for yourself when to "never give up" and when to release into "good enough" or into experimenting with something else. And sometimes "humble pie" tastes really good and can help get rid of that perfectionism that can be take away our joy.