ENTRANCES AND EXITS

Lesley's Blog

The Buddhists speak of suffering being partly, "wanting what you don't have and having what you don't want". I have found that so often to be true as I long for things to be different so that I won't feel anxious or angry, upset or generally out of sorts. One of the things I pray for is to accept what is and to be able to be always grateful for things just as they are. That deep acceptance and thankfulness is not easy as it means to also be accepting and grateful for all the things that are really difficult, maybe even terrible. And that often does not seem to make any sense at all to us, especially at the time. Maybe in hindsight we can see the growth and the gifts from the challenges but at the time - well that is a different matter.



(Entrance of the dawn)

 

Our life changes every moment of every day bringing us wonders and joys and agonies and disasters, great and small. Our part of a good deal of psychological and spiritual growth depends on noticing and acknowledging and making choices about this unrelenting process. We notice the entrances and exits of each moment ( or maybe we can start with one a week!) and acknowledge that something has arrived or left. It could be a subtle change in mood, a slightly different feeling or way of thinking, positive or negative. Or it could be the heart breaking end of a relationship by death, divorce or cut-off. Whatever "it" is that we notice, when we pause with it in the threshold, in that liminal space where transitions beckon to us (maybe even imagining ourselves in a doorway, breathing gently and allowing the questions to come to us), we can begin to acknowledge what has arrived and wonder what we think and feel about it. That can prevent us getting caught up in the drama and overwhelm of it all, whether that is taking us on the slippery slopes of despair or into the excessive excitement that creates illusions and fantasies.  

Sifting and sorting what thoughts and feelings really belong to what is happening and what are from the past, confusing us with their presence, can bring a refreshing clarity and a new perspective from which to make choices. And it is helpful to remember that choices are not necessarily about "doing something", although in this active, goal oriented, extraverted society that might be our first tendency. A growthful choice might be to wait, to accept and simply be with whatever we think or feel or is happening, at least for a while.

Exits sometimes bring deep grief that call for the "being with" response but even when we think we are relieved by an exit we sometimes need to grieve for our unmet dreams or the blessings (which might have been well hidden) that have now gone. It can be quite helpful to carefully consider with all exits what exactly we think we have lost and what we might have gained, otherwise we can get trapped by undifferentiated emotions that we feel we cannot extract ourselves from in order to begin once again entering the flow of our life. Sometimes when exits are especially troublesome, a farewell ritual can be freeing over time. That could be as simple as standing at your front door and imagine yourself waving goodbye to whatever has left and sending blessing with and for the departure.

Entrances can also feel like losses or gains. A new job that feels just right brings enthusiasm and joy (but might also bring extra work that changes something else in your life). Or the serious illness of a parent which brings caregiving duties can bring grief for the loss of how you used to live your life, even though you might understand intellectually the need for and lovingly embrace the change and sacrifice.

 (The way acoss. A heron guarding the passage; symbol of following your own path)



Mostly we are called to be flexible and release the amusingly absurd concept that we can control our lives.The less we wear ourselves out trying to have what we want and not have what we don't want, and accept the reverse, the better our life will be. That does not mean we lie down and play dead. It does mean that we make decisions about how we are going to react to things and make plans that are not so set in concrete that we are overwhelmed when they don't work out the way we think they should.



(The power and peace of the ocean)

 



The Buddhist speak of living in equanimity, free from aversion and attachment. If we deeply know what that means  and live it, more joy and peace can flow into our lives, no matter what entrances and exit come and go.