Obedience

Lesley's Blog

Our four year old dog, Merlin, recently graduated from Basic Obedience class at K9 University. He did quite well, but it really only took dog and owner to be breathing for them to receive a certificate. Now I am doing Intermediate Obedience with both Chanel, now age 9, and Merlin and for this class we have to actually perform to an appropriate level in order to graduate. Although I am thoroughly enjoying myself, I am not sure the dogs feel the same. Chanel in particular almost rolls her eyes at the whole process and clearly is telling me that she is simply too old for all of this and would much prefer to be snoozing on the couch. Her response to the command to "come" is followed by a slow meandering motion roughly in my direction but she has no intention of arriving any time soon. Meanwhile, if there are any distractions, Merlin and I are toast!! Not discouraged, I have signed Chanel up for the Advanced class, although I have not told her yet.



(Merlin, obediently sitting)

 

Now, why I am blogging about the dogs, other than they are such a joy? Going to these classes has led me to think about what obedience means. The root of the word "obey" is "listen" or "hear" and it seems to me that has nothing to do with the assertion of one person's will over another. 

 The wonderful thing about training the dogs is it is obvious that I have to have a good relationship with them in order to even begin to have a chance that they will obey me in the long term. And I have to make sure that they hear and listen to me. That means I have to ensure that I have their attention and that I make myself clear. I have to do most of the "work" if someone is going to obey me. 

Once we are adults the situations under which we need to "obey" others are very different than when we are children and most of those situations are about safety. If we are in circumstances where our own life and the lives of others are being threatened then often we need to obey an authority in order to minimize a potential disaster. Also, if we have chosen to be in a job in which safety is an issue, like the armed forces, the police, the fire department etc., it is very important that we obey the rules.

Note, though, that I have used the word "chosen" with regards to jobs because we all have choices about the jobs we do. If we don't want to "obey" the system we can choose to leave it, although we are usually well advised to have another job lined up before we do. It is not a good idea to leave things so long that we feel we can't stand it any longer and simply bolt. 

So, beyond safety, what does obedience mean as an adult? I believe it means to listen to and hear ourself. And then you might ask - what does that mean? During our childhood we listen to others and develop belief systems, ideas and ways of behaving that have been told to, and modeled for, us.

As we mature it is important that we question those beliefs, ideas and behavior patterns that we have learned from others, not from a place of rebellion but with questions such as, "Is that true?", "Are there other ways of looking at or thinking about that and what are they?", "What do I really think and know for myself?", "Have I examined the facts and looked at where my beliefs, ideas and behaviors really come from?", "Do the internal voices which I adhere to really come from me or are they voices that come from others; my mother, my father, my teachers etc.?".

When we ask the questions and earnestly seek the answer, then we are beginning the process of self obedience, of being willing to listen to and hear ourself. Obedience is not about others but about being obedient to ourself after self examination from a place of extreme honestly. It is all a difficult and demanding process but well worth it. Being obedient to ourselves is about real freedom, when we are free from the unquestioned influences of others and are instead true to ourselves. 

If I want to be obedient I need to have a good relationship to myself so that I can listen to and hear my internal process. And just like with the dogs, I have to get my attention and not allow myself to get lost in a myriad of distractions. Then I have to be clear, honest and kind with my directions to myself.

(Chanel, sitting pretty!)   

Meanwhile, I hope the dogs don't decide that being true to themselves means that they are not going to do the obedience training!!