On May 26th it was Memorial Day, a time when we remember those who have fought and died in so many terrible wars. It seems that we humans have an infinite capacity to create conflict and when that is on a grand scale as within a country or world-wide, the suffering that ensues is unimaginable.
In Britain, during my recent visit, I noticed that the book stores had many writings on World War I as 2014 is the one hundreth anniversary of the beginning of that heartbreaking war. Two of my grandfather's brothers died fighting in France as did millions of other young men who had not yet lived their lives. I bought a book of poems about that war and found myself reduced to tears by the horrors and the losses of the war that was supposed to end all wars. But, of course, we don't seem to learn and wars did not end. World War II soon followed and with it the Holocaust and since then deadly conflicts in a multitude of countries have continued to take a terrible toll on so many beings.
I try to ensure that I remember what has happened over the centuries during wars by reading, watching movies and recalling the things that my parents told me about World War II. To remember war, for me, is to remember that peace and love are also choices and we can make those choices every day. There is nothing that I can do personally about war, those decisions sadly are made in ways over which most of us have very little say. But what I do have control over is the conflict in my own personal life and how much I choose to "wage war" versus choosing peace and loving kindness.
Every day I can make sure that I remember that I am accountable for my actions and the consequences that they have for myself and others. I can remember to live with the question in each moment, "What do I learn from my behavior?", especially when I have behaved in non loving ways. Breaking denial, being willing to have insight into own behavior and endeavoring to have compassion for all beings can hopefully lead me towards making peace not war. Releasing anger, bitterness and resentment and living in ways that reduce judgment and criticism are crucial steps in finding and maintaining peace within and without in our own personal lives. If enough people really did that would we finally learn to live in peace in the world at large.
Memories are interesting things. Good memories can fill us with warm, sweet feelings that seem to enrich our present day lives. But memories about how it used to be can also be distorted and/or seduce us to get lost in the nostalgia and longing for times gone by. Living in past memories, we fail to embrace the present moment so that rather than being life giving, those memories suck the life from us. It is very sad.
Memories can tyrannize us in other ways too when they are sources of shame and guilt that play over and over in our heads. The painful repetition colors our present life, darkening our days with despair. Often it prevents us from being able to discern that all experiences are teachers and the meaning from even the most painful of happenings comes from learning the lesson and moving forward with that knowledge. Sadly for some, even when they know what the lesson is, the memories still haunt them and drain energy that could be used to live life to the fullest.
I tell my clients to never let a negative thought go unanswered. Easy to say and very hard to do but without that constant effort the pathways in the brain will keep on doing the same thing, bringing the same misery. When we seek the lesson and do all we can to change our behavior then we deserve to allow ourselves to be forgiven. There is no-one alive who has not done things that they are deeply ashamed about and remembering how that feels for us can open us to forgive others too.
So enjoy your memories in ways that are truthful and life giving but do not get lost in them or allow them to tyrannize you.
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