It Is What It Is

Eric's Post

IT IS

 

WHAT IS

 

IT JUST IS

 

 

For years my motto has been "It just is". Friends and family often kid me about it.

 

 

Unexpected outcomes in life often leave us wishing things were different, wishing for a different reality than "what is". "What is" is NOT what we expected or hoped for. No-one wishes for a divorce, or a rain on a day we were planning a picnic, or an accident that occurred while we are pulling the car out of the garage.

 

Sometimes "What is" is "What just is".

 

Things do happen that are difficult to deal with. After we have lived with and coped with the losses, pain and suffering, then we can find peace in accepting "what is". This is the peace that allows us to release anger, resentment and hurt and move forward into the fullness of our lives. We rest in acceptance of "what is".    

Thoughts and Prayers for all those who are suffering from the aftermath of the Tornado.

From Eric and Lesley Dlugokinski

Our blog is called "Thoughts from the Heartland" and today we are grief-stricken by the events in the Heartland of the United States, Oklahoma. Once again tornadoes have devastated peoples' lives and we send heartfelt thoughts and prayers for all those who are suffering unspeakable grief and loss. Sadly and astonishingly, the path of the tornado through the town of Moore was very similar to that of the tornado that was so destructive in May,1999.

We know that there is nothing we can say to ease the pain, but we wanted to at least recognize that something terrible has happened here. As always, Oklahoma is rallying with help and support, just like we did after the devastation of the bombing in 1995. And just like before we will never forget but will open ourselves to ongoing life, sustained with the love and compassion of so many caring people. 

And in the future, once the healing has begun, can we remember that thousands and thousands of children, women and men, throughout the world, face unspeakable suffering everyday. Can this suffering on our doorstep allow us to extend compassion to all who suffer.

We are grateful that we are spared, even as we realize that there is no rhyme nor reason in who suffers and who does not. And once again we commit to, as much as possible, living with gratitude, joy and loving kindness each day.      

The Community on the Corner

Lesley's Post

In a recent post I wrote of the local Sweetie Shops that served the neighborhoods when I was a child. One of those, located on a street corner, belonged to my grandmother. Several years after my grandmother closed her shop, and I was entering my teen years, my mother decided to open a wool and drapery business from that same corner shop.

Sometimes I worked there on Saturdays and during the school holidays. I enjoyed talking to and serving the women as they came to choose from the wonderful array of wool that Mum stocked. Knitting was a great hobby of mine that I began when I was seven or eight. So, one of the perks of the shop was being able to peruse the patterns and knit whatever I wanted to. Talk about being "a kid in a candy store"!! 

It wasn't long before I realized that corner stores such as Mum's were not just about selling goods but were also an important aspect of forming community. Women would come in to sit a while and have a cup of tea. They shared the ups and downs of their lives and often were not averse to gossiping about the ups and downs of the lives of others. I also learned that my mother did not gossip and that she was a very savvy business woman with a strong creative flair. She was a wonderful role model and the lessons I learned from her stood me in good stead in my adult years.

The community I was raised in, like most communities at that time, was served by a large variety of small personally owned stores. They were places where people gathered to share and assist each other with support and advice and sometimes a helping hand. By and large such stores have gone out of business, disappearing as the large supermarkets and chains move in to take over the retail business in even the smallest of communities. There are certainly many advantages to these changes that allow busy working folks to shop at convenient times and with lots of parking available.

Many of us in our older years remember times when people in neighborhoods sat on their front porches and visited with each other, developing communities that provided support and assistance in times of need. Now with most women working outside the home and families leading such busy lives, time is of the essence and the old forms of community are more elusive.

So now, with the loss of some of the old forms of community in the neighborhoods or around the corner at the stores, how do we ensure that new forms are developed in ways that nuture and nourish us? Just like so many things in this wonderful world, as the old dies away the new arise, often in very different forms. So it is with communities if we keep open minds and hearts. We have already developed places where seniors can gather or where new moms can learn from and support each other. There are team experiences that give children a sense of belonging and many individuals with similar interests meet to share and often to form deep friendships. And then of course there is all the networking on the internet which is still in its relative infancy with regard to how effective it is as a nurturing and nourishing community. 

But it does seem that maybe we have to be more conscious, than we used to be, to form and maintain communities, relationships and friendships throughout our lives that we can depend on for love and sharing, for laughter and fun, for reciprocal support and help. They are not just automatically there. 

This need for attention to community seems to be increasingly important as we age and maybe increasingly difficult. Many people cling to the old notion that their children have a responsibilty to be there for them and take care of them and they have a rather fixed idea of what that means. But like other expectations, in this day and age, they are increasingly unlikely to be met. Children have often moved far away, are too busy or simply do not have the same philosophy as their parents. It is important that as much as possible we take care of our own aging needs and the painful decisions that go with it, making it easy for others to assist us when we need it. Being prepared to leave our beloved homes and move into establishments such as "assisted living" when that is appropriate, and opening ourselves to the possiblity of the adventure of a new life and community there, demonstrates grace and dignity on our part. And our loved ones will love us for it.  

So, be smart and involve yourself in nurturing and nourishing communities throughout your life span. It will be good for your health, heart and spirit. Keep your mind and heart open to opportunities that come your way and be prepared to experiment with options so that life is always an adventure, even in the "winter" of  your life.   

The Big Red Telephone Box

Lesley's post

I was 28 years old before I had a telephone in my home. If I wanted to make a call I would walk down the road to one of the bright red telephone boxes that were scattered throughout Britain at that time. In those days the windows were not broken by vandals and even the telephone book was usually intact.

When I was a young child the cost of a call was four pence and, on the rare occasion that I needed to use the telephone, I would walk down the avenue and head towards the main road. Gripping the large copper coins tightly in my hand, I would be filled with anxiety about all the things that could go wrong and even today a trace of uneasiness about the telephone persists. Mostly I see the phone as a necessary evil and I admit to forgetting to check my cell phone for days at a time. My friends know that in the main I don't talk too much on the phone and my preference is always to see the whites of someone's eyes when I am communicating.

Of course the telephone is a wonderful invention and has changed so much in our world for the better. But, like many things, it has its dark side and we are challenged to be thoughtful in our use of it and make more heartfelt choices.

Can we turn off the phone and be quiet with just ourselves? Can we withstand the urge to be in constant contact with someone, no matter who, so that we do not have to deal with difficult things in our lives? Can we be sensitive to the fact that others might not want to hear our conversation in a public place? Can we be with others and honor them enough to not answer the phone or even check it? Can we have the courage to tell the people we are with that we like to be with just them and not them and their phone? 

Questions to ponder and live with!!

DON'T BE

 

Dr. Eric's post

Don't be angry

Don't be Frightened

Don't be

 

Yet we are

Angry or frightened

We just are

 

To deny our feelings

Is to pretend

 

To accept them

We begin to cope

 

 

Sometimes those around us find it difficult when we are angry, frightened, anxious, upset. They feel our distress and in many cases they too become upset. They "don't us", but we are that way. That is what is. We are angry or frightened. It is too late to "don't be" that way.

 

Coping with difficult feelings means accepting them, incorporating them, then dealing with them in a way that helps us.