The Post Office

Lesley's Post

Rushing into the post office yesterday I was relieved there was only one person at the counter and no line. I had a lot to do and this was going to be quick. The assistant behind the counter asked the customer if she needed anything else and I anticipated that the check-out was immanent. The woman thought for a moment and then asked what sort of stamps were available. A red covered folder with several pages was handed to her and she slowly turned over each page studying the pictures on the stamps.

As I stood and watched I could feel the irritation rising. I wanted her to hurry up so I could hurry up and continue to check off my list of things to do. Patience was nowhere to be found.

There is nothing particularly unusual about this scenerio. We go to stores and wait in line everyday but today I was interested in my internal reactions. I found myself becoming increasingly irritated with each page of stamps that was being studied and although maybe such a response might be understandable, I felt ashamed at myself for such feelings. The internal conflict between the irritation at the situation and my efforts to change my thoughts and feelings to those more closely resembling a modicum of loving kindness raged merrily inside of me.

Becoming irritated in the post office might not seem a big deal and certainly not worth blogging about. But I want to change my behavior and be the sort of person who could be in the present moment with patience and peace, irrespective of the circumstance - well, maybe not in all circumstances!! But I do believe that life is about the small things and I can ask myself to make every effort to develop responses that are in line with my deepest desires for my behavior.

So, here I was, irritable and impatient and the best I could do was to be aware of the conflict busily intensifying inside me. At least that was something and a first step towards change.

It wasn't long after I left the post office that I released the irritation and the shame and reflected on why I had reacted in such a way. It wasn't rocket science of course - I was in a hurry and had lots to do so my own internal tension quickly took flight and landed on the unsuspecting customer at the counter. My tension became her fault. Not a good plan when one of the cardinal rules psychologically and spiritually is to not direct blame onto others.

Later I attended a spiritual group that meets monthly and I was recounting my experience both externally and internally. We talked about it for a while and then suddenly we were laughing at ourselves for all the really silly things we do on a daily basis, things that are definitely not in line with our hopes for a spiritual path. As we told funny stories about our "non spiritual" antics, the laughter was like a breath of fresh air bringing perspective and healing in its wake.

Spiritual work is moment to moment and by no means easy but the load is lightened by laughter and the support of loving community who remind that judgment of self is as destructive as judgment of others. They help us know that we don't have to be perfect and that "baby" steps are good enough. The post office was another lesson offering and even though I "failed" I can be gentle with myself as future lessons are presented and meet the challenge the best I can.   

A PERSON

 

The message said

 

You have

 

Eight options to

 

Choose from

 

 

I press one

 

Then two, then three

 

Then back to one again

 

 

Then I hang up

 

I want to speak with

 

A person

 

 

The lack of personal connection in today's ultra tech world is very difficult for me. When I call a number and get a recorded message, options, then music while I am on hold, I become irritable. Then depending on the importance of the call, I hang on waiting for the next music or the statement "Your call is important to us".

 

With computer issues, sometimes I am outsourced to another country and have difficulty understanding what they are saying to me.

 

There must be a better way for business calls to be answered. I want to speak with a person and be able to understand them.  

 

 



The Work Habit

Eric's Post

The Work Habit

 

 

Work First

Get It Done

Feel the Sense of Accomplishment

 

The Work Habit

Is Ingrained in My Soul

And has Served Me Well

 

But Now in the Present

It Remains So Strong

That it Inhibits My Play and Leisure

 

It is Time

To Open that Soul

To New Ways of Living

 

When I was a boy I remember watching television and my father saying to me "Can't you do something constructive?" My father was a hard worker and especially in his later years, when he was not able to be as productive, he often languished over what he could no longer accomplish through his work. I have incorporated part of my father's work habit.It has helped me accomplish many things. Now approaching 70 years old, I look at modifying it and finding ways to bring more leisure and play in my life.



I'm making progress. It is a matter of consciously reminding myself that the work I have done is good enough for now. When I can feel that sense of satisfaction, I can enjoy my play and leisure.      



The Small Stuff

Lesley' Post (a different way of thinking about a similar issue) 

Most of us are familiar with the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff" and know that it is probably good advice to follow.

Well! - a couple of weeks ago "the small stuff" arrived in our house in the form of an invasion of ants and not sweating the small stuff took on a whole new meaning. It was all out war and I raged against them, killing them with fury, feeling at times completely helpless against those tiny creatures that seemed to have taken over my world.

The owner of our regular exterminator company service had broken his foot  several weeks ago and has not been able to do the usual preventative spraying. The ants certainly took advantage of this window of opportunity.

To calm and refocus myself I tried a variety of psychological and spiritual thoughts  such as "may all beings live in equanimity free from attachment and aversion", "just kill them one at a time and don't get overwhelmed", "they are simply in the wrong place at the wrong time, don't mean any harm and will eventually go away", "the insect spray and ant houses will work" and "thou shalt not kill". But all to no avail. I was still completely unable to follow the Zen edict "make all mishaps into the path". My spiritual process was in shambles. I had been brought to my knees by ants. 

Finally I decided to take another direction and try to find some meaning in the symbolism of an ant invasion. Ants symbolize industriousness that is ordered and disciplined. They illustrate how persistence pays off and we can make our dreams into reality if we make a plan and stick with it.

So, how does this apply to our lives? Examining that question is where the study of symbolism becomes fascinating in its richness.

For some people who are struggling with motivation and getting their lives into gear, an invasion of ants might be inviting them to harness the disciplined, focused energy within themselves. They can see that just keep on keeping on one step at a time can really work. Every ant is a step and a whole community of ants can achieve amazing things. Invaded by "industriousness" can be a real wake-up call.

For a person like myself however, who tends to be overly busy, and not necessarily in a way that is for my highest good now, an invasion of ants takes on a whole different meaning. The ants are doing the right thing in the wrong place. There is nothing wrong with being industrious and bringing your dreams to fruition but at this time in my life I want to be much more discerning about how I spend my time and energy and that is a significant challenge currently. I want to make "soul choices" that will be different than the "soul choices" I made earlier in my life at another developmental phase. And I want those choices to be creative and joyful and not consumed by guilt ridden thoughts such as "I have not done enough of the necessary stuff".

And here is another twist for me. I want to attend to my "soul choices" with industry , persistence and discipline (bearing in mind that the word discipline is related to the word disciple and thus can encourage us to be followers of our own heart path). I can bring those aspects of myself that have served me well in the past to help me in my current phase as long as I am conscious in my choices each moment. It is so easy for me to get lost in the busyness of a strong work ethic and to internally tyrannize myself by the thought " you can play when the work in done" and for me play includes all those joyful creative processes.

But maybe there is another message to consider and that is the invitation to be still. Ants are constantly on the move and stillness is definitely not part of their life plan. Being invaded by the image of constant motion can remind me that I do not need to be constantly busy. Being still, to make space internally and externally, so that I can hear my inner voice and that of the Divine might be more of a heart choice.

The ant spray and the ant houses are working but I am still in process with the morning ritual of kill the ants and feed the dogs, followed by kill the ants and make the coffee, then kill the ants and have breakfast. Clearly this is a big message for me or the ants would be gone. I am paying attention.

At the same time I am grateful for the invasion with its message and am apologizing to the ants for the ongoing slaughter - sort of.

If I am really honest, I am very much looking forward to the arrival of the exterminator on Thursday.




   

After the Crisis is Over

Lesley's Post

The devastating tornado in Moore, Oklahoma, has been responded to in wonderful and amazing ways by first responders, volunteers, donations of needed supplies and money. People from all over the country have found ways to send support and help and we are full of gratitude.

We all know how generous people can be with their time and energy when a crisis occurs, whether it is a major disaster, an illness, an accident, a painful death or a myriad of other events that cause us suffering in our lives. But we also have probably experienced that help and support can slowly decline over time, if the crisis becomes a long term or chronic difficulty.

So, what happens when the "storm" is over but the suffering continues? Are there ways to ensure that we either receive or give needed support even when the initial crisis phase is over?

Often at first we are so overwhelmed by the suffering we are experiencing that we can't think very clearly and can need basic survival assistance. But once our minds clear some and basic needs have been met, we might think carefully about what are needs
really are and making specific requests, rather than simply accepting what is offered. We can let people know when we have the help we need for now but would like to contact them later with specific requests that they can choose to assist us with. We can make a list of things we need and ask people what, if anything, they would like to help us with so that people get to do what they enjoy and feel effective at. And we can ask others to help us link with appropriate agencies, be they state, federal or non profit organizations, including spiritual communities, so we are not totally dependent on the goodwill of family and friends over the weeks, months or years that can exhaust others as well as ourselves.

Most important is to develop an openness to how assistance will come to us so that with grace and dignity we make it as easy as possible for others to help us. Expectations and rigidity of thinking will be our worst enemy resulting in anger and resentment from all sides.

As caregivers, pacing and self awareness are crucial aspects of being there for the long haul. We need to know, before we are exhausted, when to say no and take a rest, and as importantly to be able to do that without burdening ourselves with feelings of guilt. When we have reached a limit for that moment we need to ask others to step up to the plate and get professional help if necessary.

Guilt is a huge issue for many caregivers, especially if family members are involved. It is easy to allow ourselves to be consumed with guilt when we feel we are not doing enough or we are told in a variety of ways that more is expected. We so want to fix things and make things better but usually that is impossible and the ensuing frustration does not improve matters. One of the crucial aspects of self awareness is to know when, for a number of internal and external reasons, we cannot do what we thought we could and need to set boundaries on what we can and cannot do in the future. That can include allowing ourselves to release ourselves from further care giving without guilt and with a recognition that what we have done is good enough.

We are a very action oriented, goal directed society and at times we forget that people crave emotional as well as physical support. It might be more important to grab a carry-out as a meal instead of spending time cooking food to take to someone so we can spend the saved precious time listening to concerns and sharing laughter, if possible and appropriate. Maybe we can hire a handyman to do small household tasks so that we can spend our time in conversation and offering emotional support instead of doing household chores. Our loved ones are probably more likely to remember moments we shared with them rather than the number of light bulbs we changed.

Cloistered nuns and monks believe that not all help is physical or emotional and they choose to spend hours in prayer for others. If you have a spiritual life, prayer can be as valid a form of assistance as physical and emotional support, if it is sustained over the necessary time frame.

It can be such joy to help and support others and, if we allow our hearts to be humble, it can be joyful to be cared for in our times of need. As caregivers it is imperative to take care of yourself with as much love and commitment as you take care of others. And if we are on the receiving end of care giving it is important for us to find ways to give back so that we continue to have meaning in our lives. We can give back by being loving, kind and understanding of the needs of the caregiver, by being grateful and not demanding and being gracious in how we receive the help that is offered. And, if at all possible, we can go the extra mile and tell our caregivers to take a break and work out with them how to get the needed care in the meantime. When others know we are thinking of them even as they are thinking of us, then the reciprocity allows all involved to go beyond anything they would have imagined was possible.