The Post Office

Lesley's Post

Rushing into the post office yesterday I was relieved there was only one person at the counter and no line. I had a lot to do and this was going to be quick. The assistant behind the counter asked the customer if she needed anything else and I anticipated that the check-out was immanent. The woman thought for a moment and then asked what sort of stamps were available. A red covered folder with several pages was handed to her and she slowly turned over each page studying the pictures on the stamps.

As I stood and watched I could feel the irritation rising. I wanted her to hurry up so I could hurry up and continue to check off my list of things to do. Patience was nowhere to be found.

There is nothing particularly unusual about this scenerio. We go to stores and wait in line everyday but today I was interested in my internal reactions. I found myself becoming increasingly irritated with each page of stamps that was being studied and although maybe such a response might be understandable, I felt ashamed at myself for such feelings. The internal conflict between the irritation at the situation and my efforts to change my thoughts and feelings to those more closely resembling a modicum of loving kindness raged merrily inside of me.

Becoming irritated in the post office might not seem a big deal and certainly not worth blogging about. But I want to change my behavior and be the sort of person who could be in the present moment with patience and peace, irrespective of the circumstance - well, maybe not in all circumstances!! But I do believe that life is about the small things and I can ask myself to make every effort to develop responses that are in line with my deepest desires for my behavior.

So, here I was, irritable and impatient and the best I could do was to be aware of the conflict busily intensifying inside me. At least that was something and a first step towards change.

It wasn't long after I left the post office that I released the irritation and the shame and reflected on why I had reacted in such a way. It wasn't rocket science of course - I was in a hurry and had lots to do so my own internal tension quickly took flight and landed on the unsuspecting customer at the counter. My tension became her fault. Not a good plan when one of the cardinal rules psychologically and spiritually is to not direct blame onto others.

Later I attended a spiritual group that meets monthly and I was recounting my experience both externally and internally. We talked about it for a while and then suddenly we were laughing at ourselves for all the really silly things we do on a daily basis, things that are definitely not in line with our hopes for a spiritual path. As we told funny stories about our "non spiritual" antics, the laughter was like a breath of fresh air bringing perspective and healing in its wake.

Spiritual work is moment to moment and by no means easy but the load is lightened by laughter and the support of loving community who remind that judgment of self is as destructive as judgment of others. They help us know that we don't have to be perfect and that "baby" steps are good enough. The post office was another lesson offering and even though I "failed" I can be gentle with myself as future lessons are presented and meet the challenge the best I can.