Don't let the turkeys get you down.

Lesley's Blog

It's New Year's Eve and I will be cooking a turkey today. Eric and I were out of town for Christmas so I will enjoy preparing that delicious food and snuggling on the sofa with Eric and the dogs, watching Thunder basketball this evening.

This year maybe we can all follow the title of this blog and "Don't let the turkeys get you down." Even though there are many people and experiences that come into our lives that can be classified as those "turkeys" we do have a choice how to respond. We can be overwhelmed, irritated, angry etc. or recognize that most things are not life threatening and, in the big picture of life, not that consequential. It is also helpful to remember that most of us can be "turkeys" at times and if we do not want to be judged, it is advisable not to judge.

(I don't have a photograph of an actual turkey but this is one of the "turkey ducks" that roam around our neighborhood, driving our dogs to frantic barking.)

 

But back to the actual bird. For native peoples the turkey is sometimes thought of as the "Earth Eagle" and so is associated with the spiritual concept of the Earth as our Mother, bringing to us the blessings of abundance and fertility in all ways. These beautiful birds invite us to give thanks for our blessings and to share those blessings with others.





(Another pseudo turkey picture, this time of turkey vultures roosting for the night. A symbol of sharing space and blessings.)

 

The planet Earth blesses us everyday with great and wondrous abundance and yet many of us take those blessings for granted. We as a nation, myself included, do harmful things to the environment everyday and waste resources in small and large ways. Native peoples honored the turkey, as they did the buffalo and all other blessings of the Earth. When they killed, which was just for food, they gave thanks to the animals and plants and made sure nothing was wasted. They made whistles from the bones of the turkey, beautiful decorations from the feathers and used all the meat in their food preparations. 

In this country, it can seem a losing battle, trying to have any impact on improving the environment and yet, as with everything, every little counts. To keep our own bodies strong and healthy we have to honor and care for them, seeing ourselves as spiritual beings with an obligation to care for ourselves and others. In the same way we might see the Body of our Mother the Earth as sacred and our duty being to take care of her.

So, maybe this year, one of our resolutions can be to do a little more to care for and love out spectacular planet.     

A New Year

Eric's Blog

A New Year

 

Unblemished by

Petty grievances

Unencumbered by

Minor frustrations

A New Year begins.

 

Let it begin

With a renewal of spirit

An attraction to joy

And an expression of love.

(Bridging to the new)

 

Happy New Year. Let us find ways to begin this year with positive attitudes, a vibrant spirit and compassion for ourselves and others.

 



 (Vibrancy and Joy)

 

Peace and Joy at this time of New Birth

Lesley's Blog

It's Christmas soon and we have finished the Christmas cards and letters, sent the presents (mostly cash) and are now waiting but in a different way than the waiting I spoke of in my last blog. The final result at the end of that  waiting, after a second MRI and several biopsies was that the mass was benign. The relief was huge and Thanksgiving in St. Martin was filled with much gratitude.

So what about this waiting for the New Birth of Christmas to come? T.S.Elliot opens his poem "Journey of the Magi" with the lines "A hard time we had of it, the worst time of the year for a journey and such a long journey" and any woman who has given birth without the assistance of modern pain medication knows that giving birth is also a very hard time. But once it is all over and the birth has arrived, the pain and agony fade. The wise men had a hard journey as they responded to a call to travel to see a special birth and  
Mary gave birth in a drafty stable without any pain relief and in that era, the infant mortality rate was probably quite high. And yet the waiting and the agony was all worth it. And so it is with us if we can hang in there and see it through. The stories reassure us that New Birth will come but it is not simple and often entirely different than we imagined. Meanwhile, we wait and live each day with as much joy as we can, knowing the call that we are following will be answered in an, as yet, unknown way. 

But the New Birth is not the definitive moment, for in our lives we die and are reborn over and over. There are times when it seems relatively calm and we can enjoy the fruits of the Birth without too much of the Death interfering. Then there are those other times when the Birth seems very elusive and the Death is all around us. It is at these times particulary when we can remember about Christmas and open ourselves to a modicum of hope, peace and joy.

Merry Christmas.    

Retirement

Eric's Blog

RETIREMENT

 

I remember

When I would sleep

Eight hours uninterrupted

 

I remember

When I would work ten hours

And then go out to play

 

When I was younger

Some things were easier

But I don't want to

Go back

 

Retirement brings new joy

No-one pushes or pulls me

I am in charge of my time

 

Time to play

Time to garden

Time to walk the dogs

Time to enjoy

 

Joy in the moments

Took many years

To evolve

In retirement

(Eric, on the right, at the Tiger ball game in Detroit)
  

Sometimes I yearn for my earlier years when I had more energy and physical things were easier to accomplish. Looking back I yearn for those times when I slept easily and seemed to accomplish things with greater ease and grace.

 

 (Salmon fishing on Vancouver Island)

 

Yet in all honesty, retirement has been wonderful. I am less rushed, less pushed and pulled by others: more in control of my own life and schedule. There is more time to play, to read, to garden and just relax. I like being retired. 

WAITING

Lesley's Blog

The week before last I was referred for an MRI after an abnormality was observed on a mammogram. I knew that I was in for one of those times of waiting and we all know how difficult that can be. There is always a choice as to how we deal with everything in our lives, good and not so good. With the good we can embrace it, be grateful for it but not get attached to its continuation because if we know anything about life it is that nothing stays the same. Or we can fear that it will be taken away and so can't enjoy it. And then there is the idea that good things are always followed by bad events, leading us to focus on what might come rather than the moment of what is.

For the seemingly not so good moments and events, it is important to honor what we feel and how we are reacting but to not get lost in it all. Not so good things cause anxiety, fear, anger and all manner of other disruptive emotions and we can allow ourselves to be paralysed and overwhelmed. Or we can observe, acknowledge, and then seek comfort and support from ourselves and others. And for those many times when we do get caught up in our own messy reactions, allowing ourselves to be alright with our mess is really important. This is no time for shame, blame, guilt or self criticism.

Most of us are action oriented and feel better when we are doing something about whatever is upsetting us. Action and a plan give us a sense of control and help us bind our feelings so they are not so overwhelming. So what do we do about the waiting, when we can't act or make a plan and if we did it would be entirely premature?

So, what did I do, apart from feel anxious? I called friends to let them know what was going on and to find out what to expect from the MRI procedure. It helped, as did the self talk to not get ahead of myself. When the anxiety increased, I would try to remind myself to take it one moment at a time and that I could do nothing except understand I was just collecting information and reaching out for support. 

The MRI procedure was easy but the next day I received a call that I needed to set an appointment for a biopsy. Now I was faced with another time of waiting. I did some of the same things, talked with friends and asked specifics about the procedure. My husband was wonderfully supportive and reminded me over and over that whatever happened we would face it together and we would expect the best and plan for the worst. So, I asked friends who had faced cancer about surgeons and oncologists, just in case. And during the waiting I kept busy. An idle mind can get up to all sorts of tricks.

Times of waiting during those not so good times, though they bring lots of difficult feelings, can also be times when we look for the blessings, and in my experience both personally and as a therapist, there is usually some "silver lining". 

What were my blessings? I was reminded yet again how wonderful my friends and loved ones are, especially my sister. They have loved me, prayed for me, given me great ideas and reassured me that they would be there for whatever I needed. It doesn't get any better than that. And I was reminded again that Eric is there for me, taking me to appointments, listening to my concerns, letting me be anxious and so much more. One of the great things about being a therapist is that everything that happens has the potential to deepen my understanding, empathy and compassion. And hopefully I know a little bit more now about a piece of life's experience that will help me in my work with others.

The biopsy was another easy process but I left sensing that all was not well. The next day, the radiologist called me and told me he was not sure that he had biopsied the right place and wanted to do more testing including, possibly another biopsy. So, I am waiting again. Today, in this moment, I feel fine but have no idea how I will feel in other moments. But I do believe that I will be able to cope with whatever answers I receive, with help from Eric, family and friends, and a wonderful health care system. And, as important, is that I maintain, at least most of the time, a positive attitude and be on the lookout for blessings and silver linings.                  

Precious Moments

Eric's Blog

Precious Moments

 

Capturing the

Splendor of the roses

As they bloom

With joyous vitality

 

Gazing at the pond

With its water reflecting the sun

And the ducks meandering

Effortlessly on the surface

 

Focusing on the joy and excitement

My collies show

As they wag their tails with anticipation

Just before I take them for a walk

 

 

Precious moments are there when we take the time to notice them. They add a depth and beauty to our lives and joy in living. The joy helps us to become more resilient when we need to cope with more difficult times.

 

Take the time to enjoy those precious moments and share them with others. 

Obedience

Lesley's Blog

Our four year old dog, Merlin, recently graduated from Basic Obedience class at K9 University. He did quite well, but it really only took dog and owner to be breathing for them to receive a certificate. Now I am doing Intermediate Obedience with both Chanel, now age 9, and Merlin and for this class we have to actually perform to an appropriate level in order to graduate. Although I am thoroughly enjoying myself, I am not sure the dogs feel the same. Chanel in particular almost rolls her eyes at the whole process and clearly is telling me that she is simply too old for all of this and would much prefer to be snoozing on the couch. Her response to the command to "come" is followed by a slow meandering motion roughly in my direction but she has no intention of arriving any time soon. Meanwhile, if there are any distractions, Merlin and I are toast!! Not discouraged, I have signed Chanel up for the Advanced class, although I have not told her yet.



(Merlin, obediently sitting)

 

Now, why I am blogging about the dogs, other than they are such a joy? Going to these classes has led me to think about what obedience means. The root of the word "obey" is "listen" or "hear" and it seems to me that has nothing to do with the assertion of one person's will over another. 

 The wonderful thing about training the dogs is it is obvious that I have to have a good relationship with them in order to even begin to have a chance that they will obey me in the long term. And I have to make sure that they hear and listen to me. That means I have to ensure that I have their attention and that I make myself clear. I have to do most of the "work" if someone is going to obey me. 

Once we are adults the situations under which we need to "obey" others are very different than when we are children and most of those situations are about safety. If we are in circumstances where our own life and the lives of others are being threatened then often we need to obey an authority in order to minimize a potential disaster. Also, if we have chosen to be in a job in which safety is an issue, like the armed forces, the police, the fire department etc., it is very important that we obey the rules.

Note, though, that I have used the word "chosen" with regards to jobs because we all have choices about the jobs we do. If we don't want to "obey" the system we can choose to leave it, although we are usually well advised to have another job lined up before we do. It is not a good idea to leave things so long that we feel we can't stand it any longer and simply bolt. 

So, beyond safety, what does obedience mean as an adult? I believe it means to listen to and hear ourself. And then you might ask - what does that mean? During our childhood we listen to others and develop belief systems, ideas and ways of behaving that have been told to, and modeled for, us.

As we mature it is important that we question those beliefs, ideas and behavior patterns that we have learned from others, not from a place of rebellion but with questions such as, "Is that true?", "Are there other ways of looking at or thinking about that and what are they?", "What do I really think and know for myself?", "Have I examined the facts and looked at where my beliefs, ideas and behaviors really come from?", "Do the internal voices which I adhere to really come from me or are they voices that come from others; my mother, my father, my teachers etc.?".

When we ask the questions and earnestly seek the answer, then we are beginning the process of self obedience, of being willing to listen to and hear ourself. Obedience is not about others but about being obedient to ourself after self examination from a place of extreme honestly. It is all a difficult and demanding process but well worth it. Being obedient to ourselves is about real freedom, when we are free from the unquestioned influences of others and are instead true to ourselves. 

If I want to be obedient I need to have a good relationship to myself so that I can listen to and hear my internal process. And just like with the dogs, I have to get my attention and not allow myself to get lost in a myriad of distractions. Then I have to be clear, honest and kind with my directions to myself.

(Chanel, sitting pretty!)   

Meanwhile, I hope the dogs don't decide that being true to themselves means that they are not going to do the obedience training!!   

Living Well

Eric's Post

Living Well

 

Loving you

Means accepting who you are

Respecting you

Caring about you

 

Loving me

Means accepting me as I am

Respecting me

Caring about me

 

Loving you and loving me

Is living well

(Roses - difficult to nurture into full beauty but worth all the effort)

 

Loving you and me simultaneously can be a tricky business. Sensitivity to your needs without sensitivity to my own needs or limitations can make it difficult. Similarly the reverse is true.

 

It takes conscious awareness  of both you and me to pull it off. More than that it takes practice: practicing what acceptance of what you and I means, practicing considering both of us when I am making decisions or considering actions. We are easily pulled off this path when we become ultra-sensitive to others or myopic in considering the needs of others.

 

Loving you and me takes practice and conscious determination, but the results are worth it ...... living well.

Doing What I Really Want

Lesley's Blog

Grandma Moses started to paint at a very grand old age and she is just one of many people who, in their later years, have decided to do just what they really want and love it.
 
Last Monday I went to the house of a good friend to see her 78 year old spouse's pottery that he had created over the last 5 months of taking classes for the first time. He had always done wonderful woodwork but this was his first attempt at pottery and it was amazing.

I also went to listen to my friend's poetry. Although she has read lots of poetry over the years, being a great love of hers, this year she decided to take a class in poetry writing. She, like her spouse, is in her 70's and it is her first poetry writing class. Her poems, like his pottery, are amazing. They are beautiful, funny, moving and so much more. They both are loving what they are doing.

My sister at age 70 has just started to write a novel. She has always been very creative with a variety of artistic endeavors including painting in water colors and making beautiful quilts but writing is a relatively new creative love. The book on ancestry that she has worked on for three or so years is mostly complete so now she is researching and writing a fiction book.

And I too have started to write a novel at age 67. It is great fun when my sister and I exchange ideas and keep each other going at those time we are losing faith in ourselves a little. I love that so many individuals in their 60's and 70's and older are trying new creative things and finding what they really love to do.



(A lamb in Spring, in the British countryside, where Maggie and I love to hike together. Seeing the new lambs at that time of year, always reminds me that creativity is about new birth for us.)

 

But the other issue for me is more of a personal one. I have enjoyed writing for several years but I was trained as a scientist in Britain and took no English classes after high school so have no fantasies about being a published author. My writing skills are simply not good enough. Over the years I have toyed with the idea of writing a novel but felt that I needed to use my time in more productive ways and that the time it would take to write an unpublishable novel would be wasted. I focused instead on more constructive endeavors. The idea that I could do something for the sheer pleasure of doing it, without it benefiting anyone else or making money (although the latter was much less important that the former) was completely foreign to me although I would certainly encourage my clients to do just that.

In the last few months I have had a lovely change of attitude and heart. I love writing this novel and doing all the interesting research. My actual writing still had not improved so it is not for the consumption of others. It is simply for me and the enjoyment of doing it (and learning so much along the way). In my mind I have a ten year plan so, unlike in my "former" life , I feel no pressure to finish it in a "timely" manner and do something constructive with it. It feels so releasing and delicious. 

Maybe we have to wait until a certain time in our lives to develop such a new attitude but I would encourage you all to not wait quite as long as I did.     

     

Just Because

Eric's Blog

Just Because

 

Just Because

You can

Do it

 

It does not mean

It is

Good for you.

 

An old friend and colleague of mine, Fran Morris, used this statement often. At first it did not mean much to me, but the more I thought about it the more it made sense and became a practical tool.

 



 (Just because the steps are there, we don't have to climb them)

 

We can overwork, overspend and overextend ourselves. When we do, we limit our life satisfaction and create unnecessary stress in our lives.

 

As a couple or a family, each of us needs to do our share of tasks and carry our share of responsibility - our share, not our share and everyone elses' share. If I do everything I can do, then I am maybe setting the stage for others to do less than their share, and expecting that less to continue.

 





 (You don't have to get drenched unless you would enjoy it)

 

There is no simple way to examine whether what we "can do" is good for us. There is a standard however we can use to examine those issues. Whether it is a car we are considering purchasing or a chore we are considering doing then we might ask such questions as:

"What is good enough for me, for now? Have I done enough chores to rest? Is this car really in my price range?"

If it is "good enough for me for now" we are more likely to act responsibly and compassionately. 

The Kitchen

Lesley's Blog
I am not a great cook, although Eric and I do manage to produce relatively  tasty meals most evenings. My mother was often ill when I was a child and found eating problematic. Nonetheless she was very committed to ensuring that we ate healthy and nourishing meals and continued to do that for herself until her death at age 92. One of the major family messages was the importance of education so being at my mother's side in the kitchen, was not the main priority. It was homework. I certainly did not feel deprived as, at that time, I had no interest in learning to cook.



(Cooking style in the Panama jungle)

 

Not only did my parents provide a role model of healthy eating, but we ate dinner together around the dining room table, which was always covered with a clean white table cloth, and enjoyed Dad's humor and mostly pleasant conversation. Although the kitchen was not the hub for our family it was a place where we developed positive habits of taking care of our bodies and with the amount of walking and, for my sister and I, school sports we participated in, we all remained slender. I am very grateful for those lessons from my childhood as it is much more difficult to develop new habits as an adult than to continue habits developed as children.

Traditionally kitchens have been places where nourishment and sustenance were prepared, so for those of us who experienced that, walking into our home kitchen can bring those associations to mind. We can heighten the meaning of that symbol by taking care to ask ourselves when we are in our kitchen, "What food do I want to take into my body that would be truly nurturing for me?". And that can be extended when we reflect on how we can nourish ourselves in other ways in our lives.



(Worth a visit!)



In these changing times of busyness and family members often going in different directions in the evenings, the role of kitchens might be changing. Food is often ordered outside the home and for some kitchens seem to have been reduced to the fridge and what can be grabbed from it to eat on the run. But the association of loving nourishment and kitchens is still strong in our minds, if not in our reality, and can help in our daily lives to remind us to focus on such healthy nourishment in all ways.



(An open air market in Chile)



Kitchens can also be thought of as places of transformation, where raw material is transformed into something different, hopefully really tasty. When we involve ourself in a growth process we look at our internal raw material and our rawness, recognize that it all has value and can be transformed into new and wonderful ways of being. As with cooking we can see this process as challenging and fun or we can see it as a chore. It is always a choice.

 



(Sharing food in South America)



And like cooking, our growth process is a very creative endeavor. It can be exciting to look at what is in the fridge, freezer and all the cupboards and drawers of both the kitchen and our psyche and develop new creations that are ever more nourishing, sustaining, and delectable for ourselves and others. 

So, when you walk into your kitchen, maybe you can develop a habit of allowing questions to arise and be held in your mind.

*What would nurture me in body, mind and soul in this moment and this day?
*Can I honor my "raw material" and how do I want to transform it so that it enriches my life and the life of others?
*How can I create and recreate my life in an ongoing process of change and rebirth?
*How do I honor total Creation so that I have love and kindness for All Beings.

So give thanks for food, for yourself and for All Beings and enjoy the nourishment, transformation and creativity that is all around us in this amazing world.
               

           

MEMORIES

Eric's blog

Memories

 

Memories of Penny Candy

Gas at 17 Cents a Gallon

Bryl Cream

Blue Suede Shoes

 

Memories of Sock Hops

The First Black and White Television

Earning One Dollar per Hour

The First Kiss

 

Today the World has Changed

I hope I adapt

When I have to

And Yet Keep my Rich Heritage

(An old Post Office on Vancouver Island)

 

I still remember being a young boy and going to the neighborhood store (which is no longer there) and purchasing a handful of penny candies for a nickel. A little older, I would buy a bag of chips, a coke and a couple of bubble gums for 17 cents. Those memories and many others make adapting in today's world a bit complex. Those times are gone but they remain a part of me. They are pieces of who I am today.

 

They add a depth and richness to my current life and yet there is a part of me that grimaces when I pay four dollars for a gallon of gas or two dollars for a bag of chips. Then I tell myself - that was then (1950) and this is now (2014). The world has changed and I can adapt with it.

 

 



 (The new skyline in Detroit)

 

Some things like fancy cell phones are still uninteresting to me and "foreign". I don't adapt and I don't miss it either. A cell phone that just sends and receives calls is enough for me for now. Memories of pay phones and party lines still linger. A cell phone that rings and I can answer is enough of an adaptation for now. 

WINDOWS

Lesley's Blog

My most favorite place to sit in our home is in front of the large window which overlooks our Koi pond, surrounded by beautifully colorful plants. I watch small birds come to visit the flowers and drink from the water and enjoy the larger water birds on the lake just beyond our backyard. Our house has several large windows and I love how light and airy it feels.

 

Windows as symbols help us consider what brings light into our lives so that we can feel a sense of expansion and joy.They also can lead us to consider how we perceive the outside world. When I look at the Koi pond, for example do I just see the beauty or do I see all the work that needs to be done to take care of it? Or can we live the balance of enjoying the beauty and also being glad to do the gardening that keeps it beautiful? Do we see the cup empty or full, do we feel that basically people are kind or do we distrust and live in fear?

Windows are not just for looking out, they are also for looking into. We all have seen images in movies, or read about in books, of individuals staring through the window at the inside of a house or store with a longing to be on the inside instead of where they are, on the outside. They are longing for things they do not have or for experience that are not part of their current lives. We all have had feelings, at some point in our lives, of "being on the outside looking in", feeling left out or not good enough to be included, with all the shame and maybe anger that arises with those experiences. Longings take us away from gratitude and into a place of deficit. But when we allow ourselves to be filled up spiritually then we know we are good enough and that we and the God of our understanding are the only ones authorized to make that judgment. And we know that in this moment we have what we need, even if that is not what we want.  



(A house of many windows)

 

When night comes, windows change into something quite different. We can see ourselves in them, like mirrors. The symbolism now changes, for when we look in the mirror it is there that we can connect with our shadow, those aspects of ourselves that we usually keep hidden, but that still influence our behavior, often in not very pleasant ways. Can we allow those window mirrors to remind us to do our "shadow work" and seek ways to bring the unconscious to consciousness. When we do that, not only are we more in control of our behaviors but we also experience more energy and a sense of enlargement of ourselves.

Windows are usually by definition transparent. There are increasing demands for tranparency in the society and usually what we mean is that we want others (especially people in power) to be open and honest in their actions. We want truthful information so that we can understand, make informed decisions and trust. It is easy to ask that of others but a lot more difficult to ask that from ourselves. We all lie to ourselves and others; sometimes those are sins of commission and sometimes they are sins of omission. Either way, lack of truth damages ourselves and others. Sometimes we simply do not know what the truth really is. But what is important is to hold in our hearts a deep desire to be truthful to ourselves and to search for and be alert for those times when we stray from that, which can be remarkably often once we begin to try to see clearly through that window. It can be frightening to think about living with such honesty and extremely challenging  and yet eventually it brings us a remarkable internal peace and freedom.

On the far side of the Koi pond is an Agaste plant from which the hummingbirds love to feed from. They are so beautiful and fascinating to watch, bringing the joy to my heart that they symbolize. When you see a hummingbird, allow it to remind you to find the joy in your life and to seek the sweetness in all things. Playful by nature, hummingbirds are also hardworking, encouraging us to seek that balance for ourselves. In order to work as hard as they have to, so they can maintain their life, they have to do certain things to ensure that they conserve their energy. So hummingbirds can let us know to get enough rest and not take ourselves to the edge of exhaustion. Finally we all can see that they do amazing things, like no other bird in fact, and maybe they can lead us to know that sometimes the seemingly impossible can be accomplished.

So clean your windows (or at least the ones you look out of the most) and enjoy what you see and is reflected back to you. Feel the joy and dream far reaching dreams so you know that you are enough and have the resources to do and be amazing. 

           

GOOD ENOUGH

Eric's Blog

GOOD ENOUGH

The movie we rented

Was only decent

But good enough 

To enjoy watching

The car we own

Is seven years old

But good enough

To enjoy our road trips

The roses I pruned

Were not perfectly trimmed

But good enough

To enjoy a sense of satisfaction

Perhaps the feeling of "good enough for me for now" is a core issue all of us face to enjoy our lives. People who are perfectionists often make their lives miserable because the gift they purchase, the task they perform or the car they drive is just not good enough. Something does not allow them to enjoy what they have, what they done or what they have purchased because it could always be better.

(Eric and our fishing guide with "good enough" fish)

Trusting our own judgment and accepting the limitations of our human condition may bring us to a framework of accepting "good enough, for me, for now".

ENTRANCES AND EXITS

Lesley's Blog

The Buddhists speak of suffering being partly, "wanting what you don't have and having what you don't want". I have found that so often to be true as I long for things to be different so that I won't feel anxious or angry, upset or generally out of sorts. One of the things I pray for is to accept what is and to be able to be always grateful for things just as they are. That deep acceptance and thankfulness is not easy as it means to also be accepting and grateful for all the things that are really difficult, maybe even terrible. And that often does not seem to make any sense at all to us, especially at the time. Maybe in hindsight we can see the growth and the gifts from the challenges but at the time - well that is a different matter.



(Entrance of the dawn)

 

Our life changes every moment of every day bringing us wonders and joys and agonies and disasters, great and small. Our part of a good deal of psychological and spiritual growth depends on noticing and acknowledging and making choices about this unrelenting process. We notice the entrances and exits of each moment ( or maybe we can start with one a week!) and acknowledge that something has arrived or left. It could be a subtle change in mood, a slightly different feeling or way of thinking, positive or negative. Or it could be the heart breaking end of a relationship by death, divorce or cut-off. Whatever "it" is that we notice, when we pause with it in the threshold, in that liminal space where transitions beckon to us (maybe even imagining ourselves in a doorway, breathing gently and allowing the questions to come to us), we can begin to acknowledge what has arrived and wonder what we think and feel about it. That can prevent us getting caught up in the drama and overwhelm of it all, whether that is taking us on the slippery slopes of despair or into the excessive excitement that creates illusions and fantasies.  

Sifting and sorting what thoughts and feelings really belong to what is happening and what are from the past, confusing us with their presence, can bring a refreshing clarity and a new perspective from which to make choices. And it is helpful to remember that choices are not necessarily about "doing something", although in this active, goal oriented, extraverted society that might be our first tendency. A growthful choice might be to wait, to accept and simply be with whatever we think or feel or is happening, at least for a while.

Exits sometimes bring deep grief that call for the "being with" response but even when we think we are relieved by an exit we sometimes need to grieve for our unmet dreams or the blessings (which might have been well hidden) that have now gone. It can be quite helpful to carefully consider with all exits what exactly we think we have lost and what we might have gained, otherwise we can get trapped by undifferentiated emotions that we feel we cannot extract ourselves from in order to begin once again entering the flow of our life. Sometimes when exits are especially troublesome, a farewell ritual can be freeing over time. That could be as simple as standing at your front door and imagine yourself waving goodbye to whatever has left and sending blessing with and for the departure.

Entrances can also feel like losses or gains. A new job that feels just right brings enthusiasm and joy (but might also bring extra work that changes something else in your life). Or the serious illness of a parent which brings caregiving duties can bring grief for the loss of how you used to live your life, even though you might understand intellectually the need for and lovingly embrace the change and sacrifice.

 (The way acoss. A heron guarding the passage; symbol of following your own path)



Mostly we are called to be flexible and release the amusingly absurd concept that we can control our lives.The less we wear ourselves out trying to have what we want and not have what we don't want, and accept the reverse, the better our life will be. That does not mean we lie down and play dead. It does mean that we make decisions about how we are going to react to things and make plans that are not so set in concrete that we are overwhelmed when they don't work out the way we think they should.



(The power and peace of the ocean)

 



The Buddhist speak of living in equanimity, free from aversion and attachment. If we deeply know what that means  and live it, more joy and peace can flow into our lives, no matter what entrances and exit come and go.


           

SOME OF US

Eric's Blog

SOME OF US

 

Some watch television all day

Some not at all

 

Some read alot

Some not at all

 

Some like to play games

Some not at all

 

Some of us are

Different

From some of us

 

All of us

Need acceptance of 

All of us

 

Acceptance

Brings peace

For all of us

 

 

Some of us are different from some of us. The issue is whether some of us can accept that some of us are different. Different is OK.

 

Sunnis and Shiites, conservatives and liberals, men and women, transexuals, heterosexuals, homosexuals .......

 

We are all different. Accepting that means we do not have to fight. We have peace.

Independence Day

Lesley's Blog

Last week Independence Day was celebrated in America. Being British by birth, July 4th is not a date I easily resonate with, but I am more than glad to enjoy the holiday with all the family gatherings, picnics and fireworks! For most of us it is a joyful time.

So often though we have seen a huge price paid for independence by many nations around the world. Rarely, it seems, are conflicts able to be settled without violence and so people suffer with all the deaths, injuries and devastation that follow. Sometimes wars lead to a return to or an increase in freedom and sometimes, sadly, they do not. I certainly am very grateful to live in a country in which freedom is still mostly alive and well and where a war has not been fought on our soil for a very long time.

(A rather blurry United States flag blowing in the Oklahoma wind.) 

Mostly, we as individuals have little impact on global conflicts but we do have control over our own behavior in our every day lives. Are we determined to settle our conflicts with loving kindness (and that is not the same as simply "going along to get along") or will we perpetrate "violence" in minor or major ways in our words and actions? It is a choice. 

We are a country that prides itself on independence and that stance has probably contributed to the success of this very special nation. But I think sometimes we forget that there is actually no such thing as being independent, for we live and have always lived in an interdependent world. Very few individuals have lived, even their adults lives, totally isolated surviving off the land. Even if they own a modern weapon or matches to light their fires, then they have a dependence on others, albeit to a minor degree. And they are dependent on other beings for sustenance; plants and animals. Non of us are independent.

 (The flag of Oklahoma, another blurry wind blown photograph)
 

We are dependent on others in all manner of ways, big and small, and a profound spiritual practice, no matter what religion you might adhere to, is that of gratitude. Being grateful for our shower in the morning means to remember the beings who designed and who built the shower, who packed and transported it to the store, the people who sold it and delivered it, put it into our bathroom and if we are fortunate to have one of those wonderful souls who clean our house, to that person as well. Then there is the soap and towels, which reminds us about the individuals who plant, grow and pick the cotton (and the cotton plants themselves), and of course that amazing gift of clean and hot water. We need to aknowledge and be grateful to all those who contributed to this wonderful gift pouring from our shower head. And so it goes on for everything in our lives. It is stunningly huge how interdependent we are with All Beings.

Another way of looking at independence is an internal one. We have all arrived at adulthood with an astonishing amount of psychological "baggage" and continue to fill our suitcases as we go thought life so that they can become enormously weighty. That baggage can tyranize us without mercy unless we become conscious enough to begin to make a choice to reduce the frequency and influence of destructive thoughts, feelings and behaviors. We need to determine which thoughts, feelings and behaviors are from our essence (which some think of as the "God" within or without), and so carry a truth for us in walking our life path, and which we have "aquired" from child (or later) experiences that are not for our highest good. Such discernment comes from hard work which gets harder as we move towards those places in us where the destructiveness is hidden in very subtle ways.

As we become increasingly independent of our old baggage and our lives move more and more from the wisdom of spiritual truth then we find increasing joy in our interdependence. Our relationships will not be conflict free and we might find some of the people in our lives to be still very challenging but our responses will be more loving, kind and compassionate to ourselves and others. Boundaries will be set with kindness not anger (although we will still have feelings of anger) and choices will come with an understanding of our own feelings and acceptance of those of others. It is by no means an easy path but well worth the work for it brings with it a glimpse of that peace that passeth all understanding. 

So, enjoy your "independence" and interdependence and all the joy and peace that it brings.        

   

PUTTING THOUGHTS ON PAPER

Eric's Blog

 

Putting Thoughts on Paper

 

Something to remember

A thought worth keeping

Is worth

Writing down

 

Putting it on paper

Keeps it for later use

And releases my mind

For other matters

 

Putting our thoughts in writing has several uses. First, if it is something we need to remember, like watering the flowers, call someone or make a dental appointment, then putting a note on paper and placing it where we can see it, reminds us of that fact. We don't need to keep on trying to remember it. The note will remind us.

 

Similarly, when a thought captures us with an attitude that we want to keep or a perceptual framework we think is valuable, it is nice to have it written somewhere we can see it. One such thought is on our refrigerator, "Believe and all things are possible" and another might be "Look for the beauty, it is there".

 



 

Troubled times can also be the times for writing things down. If we experienced a troubling incident or need to respond to a difficult issue, sometimes we may carry thoughts in our head that are possibly chaotic and obsessive. We work and re-work the thoughts but seem to reach no conclusion. Writing these thoughts on paper can help release us from obsessing about them. Once they are on paper they can be sifted and sorted for value and modified for a personal response. 

 

Putting our thoughts on paper helps us adjust and enjoy.   

Doors

Lesley's Blog

Doors

 

At the beginning of the year I wrote a blog entitled "Thresholds" in which I referred to the Chickasaw tradition of "Opening the Door". That invites us to open our hearts and greet All Beings with loving kindness. In this blog I continue the theme by encouraging us to use the images of "Doors" in our lives to help us focus on reconnecting to that energy of loving kindness in a more consistent way.

Most of us live in places with doors which we enter and exit sometimes many times each day. Each time we approach these thresholds it offers an opportunity to choose to pause in the liminal space, the space of transition where we can move from one state to another, perfect if we have had a bad day at work! In this "in-between space" can we breathe and reflect so that as we move through we can do so with consciousness.

 

Most of the time in our busy lives we rush from one place to another or one task to another, rarely pausing to stop and reflect on our internal state. But pauses, moments of taking a brief time out, can help us enrich our lives as we connect with how we feel and what we are thinking. So often we enter our homes dragging all manner of baggage from the day, ready to dump it, allbeit unconsciously, onto whoever is there. In the same way we exit, followed by our home baggage, proceeding to scatter it around the world to stick to anyone we interact with.

 

To bring our life to consciousness is, I believe, a profound spiritual practice for it is how we give ourselves the opportunity to be, in any given moment, in a place of loving kindness to ourselves and others. If Christ said "I am the door", then maybe our  literal door is the place to pause, to consciously connect with whatever spiritual path calls to us. Anything that can help us to that spiritual place of pause and reflection is something to be profoundly grateful for. Can we allow the doors to our home (or any other door we pass through during the day) to be that invitation?

 

It is interesting to look at our personal doors, how we  tend them (or don't) and what we put at our entrances and exits. We can wonder what that might say about us and our life right now. We can ask how we might make them into "altars" that are true invitations for us to honor the standing in that liminal space of transformation. Can we make these threshold places beautiful by keeping them clean and maybe adding flowers or a lovely and meaningful ornament. Maybe we could choose a special doormat that has a message of loving greeting or special meaning for us. And maybe you could also leave a bowl of water to symbolize an inner cleansing or a bowl of salt for outer cleansing at the thresholds. Tending to this "altar" everyday can remind us to cross with conscious intent to enrich and deepen our life and that of others.

Have fun experimenting with doors this week, tending them, pausing in them, and being grateful for the consciousness this can bring us.

 

This is a rather different "door" as it is obviously a gate. But I wanted to use it because it leads from a delightfully fun water garden, where the water "plays" with us by going on and off unpredictably, to an amazing outdoor sculpture garden, a place where I was in awe of the number and variety of creative outpourings. This photograph reminds me that our spiritual path is not just work and suffering but also fun, creative and playful. So, do enjoy your week's experiment, should you choose it.  
 

 

 

 

 

  

        

OLD

Eric's Blog

OLD

 

Old

Is

Older

Than I Am

 

When I was a teenager, old was like my parents, in their early 40's. Very old, bordering on ancient, were my grandparents, in their early 60's.

 

Now I will be 71 years old this week, I don't think of myself as old. Sure I am older than my children, grandchildren and great grandchild and even my wife. Perhaps they might think of me as old, but I don't.

 





 



 





Recently someone in their 50's told me how old they felt. Their knees were hurting and their back was sore. They felt very old. They could feel themselves diminishing. Maybe feeling old is an attitude.

 

I hope I never feel old. 

MEMORIES

Lesley's Blog

On May 26th it was Memorial Day, a time when we remember those who have fought and died in so many terrible wars. It seems that we humans have an infinite capacity to create conflict and when that is on a grand scale as within a country or world-wide, the suffering that ensues is unimaginable.

In Britain, during my recent visit, I noticed that the book stores had many writings on World War I as 2014 is the one hundreth anniversary of the beginning of that heartbreaking war. Two of my grandfather's brothers died fighting in France as did millions of other young men who had not yet lived their lives. I bought a book of poems about that war and found myself reduced to tears by the horrors and the losses of the war that was supposed to end all wars. But, of course, we don't seem to learn and wars did not end. World War II soon followed and with it the Holocaust and since then deadly conflicts in a multitude of countries have continued to take a terrible toll on so many beings.

(My father in his World War II army uniform) 

I try to ensure that I remember what has happened over the centuries during wars by reading, watching movies and recalling the things that my parents told me about World War II. To remember war, for me, is to remember that peace and love are also choices and we can make those choices every day. There is nothing that I can do personally about war, those decisions sadly are made in ways over which most of us have very little say. But what I do have control over is the conflict in my own personal life and how much I choose to "wage war" versus choosing peace and loving kindness.

Every day I can make sure that I remember that I am accountable for my actions and the consequences that they have for myself and others. I can remember to live with the question in each moment, "What do I learn from my behavior?", especially when I have behaved in non loving ways. Breaking denial, being willing to have insight into own behavior and endeavoring to have compassion for all beings can hopefully lead me towards making peace not war. Releasing anger, bitterness and resentment and living in ways that reduce judgment and criticism are crucial steps in finding and maintaining peace within and without in our own personal lives. If enough people really did that would we finally learn to live in peace in the world at large.

Memories are interesting things. Good memories can fill us with warm, sweet feelings that seem to enrich our present day lives. But memories about how it used to be can also be distorted and/or seduce us to get lost in the nostalgia and longing for times gone by. Living in past memories, we fail to embrace the present moment so that rather than being life giving, those memories suck the life from us. It is very sad.

Memories can tyrannize us in other ways too when they are sources of shame and guilt that play over and over in our heads. The painful repetition colors our present life, darkening our days with despair. Often it prevents us from being able to discern that all experiences are teachers and the meaning from even the most painful of happenings comes from learning the lesson and moving forward with that knowledge. Sadly for some, even when they know what the lesson is, the memories still haunt them and drain energy that could be used to live life to the fullest.

I tell my clients to never let a negative thought go unanswered. Easy to say and very hard to do but without that constant effort the pathways in the brain will keep on doing the same thing, bringing the same misery. When we seek the lesson and do all we can to change our behavior then we deserve to allow ourselves to be forgiven. There is no-one alive who has not done things that they are deeply ashamed about and remembering how that feels for us can open us to forgive others too.

So enjoy your memories in ways that are truthful and life giving but do not get lost in them or allow them to tyrannize you.