A NEW YEAR

Eric's Blog

A New Year

 

 

Another year

Has come and gone

 

Another year

Is coming

 

This year

I hope to cherish

The moments

 

Embracing and Accepting

Each opportunity

And life experience
 

 

 

Sometimes when I am at my best I truly embrace my present experience, without looking forward ... to what I might be doing ... or backward ... to what I did or might have done. Experiencing what I am doing right now seems to bring a level of satisfaction that I cannot experience otherwise.

 

The other day in the dentist's chair I found myself wishing the ordeal was over. It seemed to make it worse. I instead concentrated on the healing the periodontist was doing. It seemed to help.

 

I think it is nice to look forward to something but sometimes that may actually reduce the enjoyment of our current situation if we do not accept and embrace the present.

 

Sometimes when our brain starts buzzing we spend more time thinking about what happened in the past or what may happen ... and miss what is happening. 

A Time of New Birth

We live in a country of many different faiths intermingled with people who do not have spiritual beliefs. For most faiths every day is sacred but all faiths have times of special celebrations. For Christians December 25th is one of those times. It is the day that the birth of Jesus the Christ is honored and celebrated.



The crypt (1078 A.D.) beneath the church in Lastingham, England.

 



Raised as a Christian I read as a child about the coming of the wise men and it seemed like a lovely exotic fairy tale. It was many years later that I read the poem "Journey of the Magi" by T.S. Eliot and was astonished by the opening lines, "A hard time we had of it, just the worst time of the year for a journey and such a long journey". The fairy tale image flew out of my brain in a big hurry and I began to try to get my mind around a very different way of looking at the whole thing. The journey towards the new birth as a Christian is a very difficult one, full of hardships, challenging lessons to learn and many failures along the way. Wisdom is hard earned and not easily put into practice. But, as the wise men experienced, when we commit to the journey and keep going, in spite of all the set backs, we know that new birth is possible because we have seen it. With faith and joy they offered precious gifts to honor the birth.

                              

                               Our Christmas freezing rain.

                                                                              

In America, Christmas is often experienced as just one big commercial enterprise and time with family can be challenging and not always the joyful experience that we would like. Making internal and external space to remember and honor the sacredness of this special time takes a thoughtful plan and can be as simple as lighting a candle or saying grace before the meal. For some the spiritual preparation for Christmas is much more extensive and culminates in the joy of being with a community of faith for the midnight service on Christmas Eve. Whatever you choose allow yourself to consider that the external New Birth can reflect and assist in the internal New Birth. So open your heart and mind to embrace the new life that this special sacred time invites us to welcome.             

REAR VIEW MIRROR

ERIC'S BLOG

 

Rear View Mirror

 

Sometimes healing is slow

We focus on what is not healed

 

Sometimes we see only those task before us

Not what we have accomplished

 

Looking back

Helps see the progress

 

And experience the

Joy of the moment.

 

A friend of mine, Ken Kaminsky, gave me this image of the rear view mirror. My wife has suffered from a broken ankle (hardware and pins galore) and then broken ribs. Progress was slow especially what was still missing in recovery. Looking back on casts, crutches and commode was beneficial.

 

Furthermore, sometimes we only see the tasks that face us and ignore those that we have accomplished.

 

Looking back in that rear view mirror can help all of us see progress in healing and progress in achieving. 

Coming to America

Lesley's Blog

On 7/7/77 I left my homeland of Britain and emigrated to the United States of America. Unlike other immigrants, I was moving to a country where I could speak the language and would be welcomed by a loving, supportive community. Although money was tight initially, we certainly did not have to be concerned about how we were going to put a roof over our heads and food on the table. I did have some things to learn, like driving on the "wrong" side of the road, but the learning curve was not steep and the adjustment did not take long. At first making regular phone calls and returning to Britain for a visit were not possible but it was not many years before that changed and I was able to talk to and see my family regulary, diminishing some of the pain of separation.

I often reflect, even after so many years, on how difficult it must be for immigrants who arrive with little of no knowledge of the language and who come from cultures very different from here. The bravery that it takes to survive and hopefully eventually thrive under such circumstances is to me unimaginable. For those people who come as refugees, fleeing from war or persecution and the threat of death, often leaving everything behind and arriving with massive posttraumatic stress and little else, my admiration is even greater.

Whatever the circumstances, the promise of a new life is tempered by a deep sense of loss. There is the loss of country, the land that was our home and is embedded deep on our heart, the loss of culture, the loss of family and friends and a familiar way of life with all its complexities.

Much as my life in the United States has been very positive, I still miss my homeland. I miss family and ways of daily living that are different from my life here and I miss the land itself. It is not that I feel it is better, just different and I miss it.

Humans have always moved beginning with their origins in Africa from where our ancestors slowly but relentlessly moved to all areas of the globe. Eventually there was no more "empty space" that was habitable and inevitably this ongoing movement resulted sadly in conflict. We all know the rhetoric that "America is built on immigrants" and part of that is true but only because the indigenous population (whose ancestors had also emigrated from somewhere else at some unknown time) had not grown sufficiently in numbers that the immigrants (who were from many countries) were not considered by the immigrants themselves to be an equivalent of an invading nation. And of course, the Native American nations fought amongst each other so that groups were forced to move depending on their relative strengths.

For many immigrants, especially in past centuries, coming to America required an amazing amount of courage, strength and perseverence as hardship was rampant and "success" did not come easily. Often it was only the next generation who benefited from the hard work and suffering of the initial immigrants.

In the United Kingdom, the Irish potato famine resulted in thousands of starving and poverty stricken individuals leaving Ireland to arrive in America without resources or job skills. Equally as devastating were the clearances in Scotland. Just like in America when settlers wanted the land and cleared the local populations of Native tribes, sending them to designated areas by such means as "The Trail of Tears", so the English landlords cleared the land of families who had farmed there for generations. Emigration was one of the few options available to those destitute souls but the price for many was their lives. Some of the boats became known as "coffin" ships, overloaded with immigrants and with limited supplies, so that disease and death were rampant. Even if you survived the journey you might be refused entry because of illness or robbed of what little you had either on the boat or when you landed. And so it continues today, people suffering hardship and risking death to come to America to make a better life for themselves and their loved ones.  

Eric's grandparents emigrated from Poland and like many sons and daughters of immigrants in those days, his father was determined to learn the new ways and forget the old. Although that is understandable, it resulted for Eric in a loss of much of his cultural heritage and a complete disconnection from any family who remained in the "old country".

Fortunately, things are changing and now there is an increased acceptance and interest in cultural history which continues to enrich our society, adding to the riches already bestowed on this country  by millions of immigrants from every corner of the globe. 

I know that there is now a lot of controversy about immigration, fears that it is out of control and something needs to be done. It is a difficult, complex and thorny issue and of course everyone has different views. I certainly am not suggesting that I have the corner on rightness or truth. But my dearest wish, as an immigrant, is that whatever is done is based on decisions from the heart and not from a stance of fear or scarsity.  





     

Harvest Festival

Lesley's Blog

Having come from Britain, the American celebration of Thanksgiving still doesn't quite resonate for me. My ancesters did not buck the system apparently and stayed put.

However, as a child, I remember that in the Autumn the Harvest Festival was celebrated and we gave thanks. The church was decorated with beautiful vegetables and luscious fruits, the very best of the final produce of the harvest. Delicious homemade chutneys and jams and late flowering plants added to the splendor of the display.  

We gave thanks for the abundance of the earth which had provided us with bountiful sustenance and prayed for the harvest in the coming year. I suspect that not everyone, on any given year, was quite on the same page regarding the degree of bountifulness but nonetheless we all acknowledged the miracle of the blessing of food and water from the earth. It was a joyful time but turkey and pumpkin pie were not part of the agenda.

As we give thanks this year for our lives, the lives of our loved ones and the gifts we have received throughout the year, maybe we can also add prayers for the earth. Whether or not you consider global climate changes a belief or a scientific reality, it is clear that humans have had impacts on this beautiful and vulnerable planet we call home, that have produced significant changes, mostly not for the better. According to most scientific research the changes are occuring at a greater pace than originally predicted.

If you are anything like me, I find myself oscillating between despair and denial. I want to do something but often have no idea what to do and where to start. Sometimes, for example when I read about the amazing projects that the Nature Conservancy are involved in, I feel a modicum of hope. So, maybe we can all open our hearts, this Thanksgiving, to how each of us can do our little bit to bring some healing to our precious earth. We owe it to the earth, to ourselves and our children and grandchildren need us to leave for them a better place to live and thrive.   



  

THANKFULNESS

ERIC'S BLOG

Thankfulness

 

Being thankful

For the beauty of the flowers

For the roof over my head

For the food on the table

For the dogs wagging their tails

Helps me enjoy the world

 

Saying "thank you" to you

For the laundry you do

For the meals you prepare

For the way you listen

For all the ways you support me

Helps me appreciate you

 

Being thankful and saying "thank you"

Bonds us in joy.

 

 

I wrote this about a year ago and many of you will have received it then but it has not been an official part of our blog. Being thankful is a special part of Thanksgiving but it is also a special part of our daily lives. When we recognize beauty or support from others we acknowledge joy for ourselves and give appreciation to others. By simply saying "thank you" we magnify our joy.

Money

MONEY

 

How much

Is good enough

 

How much

Do I really need

 

I've been saving

A good part of my life

Now I can spend

 

How much money

is good enough to

Spend and to save

 

 

I have developed a habit of saving money a good part of my life. It has been beneficial. Cars, house and all of my "things" are paid for and there is enough  for my retirement years.

 

However, when it comes to spending "savings" I often feel I am doing something "wrong". It goes against the habit I have evolved for many years. It is time for a new habit but it is hard to establish it.

 

Recently in a counseling session I worked with an older couple who were trying to decide whether they could afford to make a significant purchase for their garden. They had been saving almost 50 years together and accummulated plenty of money for their retirement years. But spending money was simply not a habit for them. Clearly they had money to spend but now were handicapped by their habit of always putting money away. It was clear to me and them that they needed a new habit and I believe I do too.

 

In contrast, some people have the opposite habit of spending and not saving. They too need to develop new habits in order to manage their financial lives effectively. It is all about balance.  

Fireflies

Lesley's Blog

On a summer night this year I watched the fireflies in the backyard. There were just a few of them flashing points of light, seemingly at random.

At this phase of my life I am once again struggling to find my spiritual path, longing for more "meaning" in my life - whatever that means! I would love it if the Divine Energy would join the computer age and send me a detailed e-mail explaining the missions that I still need to complete and how to go about doing that. But I would settle for some "writing on the wall" in conjunction with a huge search light showing me the exact direction I am to "walk".

It seems though that the help I get is more like the fireflies - a little flash here and a little flash there. Points of light let me know that I am not alone and watching the fireflies reminds that our path is not a straight line. Sometimes the fireflies do not visit my back yard and yet I know that they are still somewhere. They have not disappeared. And so it is with guidance. It is never as complete or definitive as we would like, it comes in flashes and then so often seems to disappear. But faith lets us know that it will return to reassure and lead us once again. I give thanks for that.

So I will do my best to be patient, to follow the flashes leading the way, and to have faith that the light will always be there but maybe not on my timetable.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

 

None of us

Is perfect

Each of us needs

Forgiveness for something

 

Granting that forgiveness

To others

Also gives it to

Oneself

 

It is an admission

Of our imperfection

That sparks hope

For living joyfully

 

If we were people who always did everything right, compassionately and thoughtfully, we probably would not be human at all. We all make mistakes. We all exercise poor judgement at times and offend others, doing damage to our own lives and those of others.

 

It has been said that a man who seeks revenge digs two graves. There is even neurological evidence to suggest that inability to forgive impedes our current functioning and our ability to enjoy life. So move on and move forward. Forgive yourself and others and enjoy this imperfect humanity we share.   

 



Never Give Up?

Lesley's Blog

This week I began my third round of physical therapy.

It's been two years since I fell while hiking in Britain and severely damaged my ankle. After having the hardware removed fifteen months later I was grateful to be relieved of the chronic pain that had been caused by one of the large screws constantly irritating a tendon. 

However, on the recent trip to Washington D.C. Eric and I walked an average of five miles a day, something we both enjoyed, checking out all the sites. But when I finally rested in the early evening and then tried to walk again the pain was almost unbearable. Fortunately, after the more prolonged rest overnight I was able to walk around that wonderful city again the next day. In spite of the pain in the evenings I loved the walking in the days and was determined not to give up. 

This was the second time in the last few months that I had had this same experience; the first being with my sister in Britain, in March, when we vacationed in the North Yorkshire Moors and walked several miles everyday in that wonderful countryside. We did not walk as far as we have hiked on previous vacations, because of my ankle injury, and I was shocked that I was in so much pain by the end of each day. But I love the hiking and did not want to give in.  

My surgeon in Oklahoma City, for whom I have great respect, has told me that, after such a traumatic injury, my ankle will not be the way it used to be. In spite of that information I am not willing to settle yet. I'm not willing to give up. So I am back for another round of therapy and am determined to work hard to try for another level of healing.

A few years ago one of the advertisements for the NBA finals had the statement "And you never give up. And you never give in". There was something about that phrase that I loved. I found it inspiring and it is helping me keep going with my recovery now.

Like many people I come from a family who never gave up. My parents worked hard and we were taught to do the same. We were also taught to finish what we had started and to start only those things that we were going to finish. In my adult life these lessons have really helped me.

But now in my sixties I recognize I am in a different phase of my life and can rethink some of the old belief systems, an important aspect of this developmental phase. Looking back I can see that sometimes "never give up" became translated into a perfectionistic style creating, unnecessary stress and at times I stuck with things beyond what was helpful or necessary.

Now, although I still make sure that home care and my business are taken care of in a timely and appropriate way, I give myself permission to be more connected with what gives me joy and to release those things that do not. I feel able to try things that I think I might like but not pursue them if I do not really enjoy them. I can change my mind and "give up". I would have liked to have learned to do this a little earlier in my life but "it's better late than never".

Part of what I struggled with when I was younger was wanting to be what I am not. I longed to be the sort of person who was really, really gifted at something, developed that gift and then enjoyed the fruits of that hard work by the joy it would bring me. However, I don't have any special gifts but instead am relatively okay at several things. The result has often been frustration that my longing did not match reality, no matter how hard I tried.

Now, thankgoodness, I am more humble (I hope) and mostly I try to focus on enjoying what is good enough. I still catch myself longing to be "perfect" but I can laugh at that (mostly) and remind myself to enjoy the process and not focus on the product or the goal. It's still a learning phase!! Meanwhile, in my latest endeavor of oriental brushwork I have given up trying to make perfect bamboo and moved onto practicing rocks and trees which I find easier and much more satisfying. We'll see what happens when I try to put an actual landscape together.

So, enjoy learning for yourself when to "never give up" and when to release into "good enough" or into experimenting with something else. And sometimes "humble pie" tastes really good and can help get rid of that perfectionism that can be take away our joy.    

  

           

        

WORRY

Eric's Post

 

Worry

 

Worrying about finances

May help me

Tighten my budget

 

Worrying about leaving

The front door unlocked

May help me

Close it

 

Worrying about

Whether the sky will fall in

Or

Whether it will rain next Thursday

Spins me into

An unpleasant frenzy

 

Worrying about some things can be helpful. If they are under our control we may be able to do something different to alleviate our anxiety. Worrying about things that are outside our control is troublesome because there is nothing we can do about them. As the worrying gains momentum we become more and more dysfunctional. As a Catholic priest once told me, "Give these worries to God, and let go of them". 

 



Speaking Out

Lesley's Blog

Today I mailed a letter to President Obama, my very first "political"
communication.

Eric and I have just returned from a wonderful trip to Washington D.C. That was also a first, my first visit to that very special city. I hadn't expected to be so inspired by the great past presidents, their courage, determination, creative thinking and sensitivity to injustice and inequality. So,I wrote to the President.

It doesn't matter what I wrote about, just that I wrote. I don't expect my one letter to have any impact but speaking out is cumulative, the more people do it, the more likely the message is to be heard. America is a country of great diversity and I believe it is important that all views be expressed and heard. But we must take care to express those views with respect, irrespective of how intensely we might feel about our beliefs.

Expression alone is not enough. We must also be willing to truly listen to each other and try to understand different points of view, even if they are initially abhorent to us. Listening gives the message that we value and respect all individuals, even if we disagree and it is the key to the development of creative resolutions to the  issues that we face in this very complex and ever changing society.

I don't think I will become a political activist any time soon but I probably will find ways to speak more openly about the society and world issues that are heartfelt for me. Hopefully I will be more willingly to say, "I am really glad you shared that but I see things differently" and then give a brief statement of how I see things and be willing to really think about what the other person has said.

So often we don't speak out because we fear that we might offend someone and they will not like us anymore. Or we fear their anger with us if we hold different views or beliefs. It is strange that we live in a country in which it is mostly safe for us to speak out and yet we still habor fears.

In our intimate relationships with family and spouses we are often paralyzed with fears in the same way, fears of anger, conflict, cut-off, abandonment and all the consequences that can come from those responses. We fear that we will no longer be loved if we speak out and that terrible things will happen. 

But ironically terrible things happen if we do not speak out. In our personal lives we become diminished, leading lives without real connections and that require us to hide so much of ourselves. The society also suffers when a majority remains silent for we lose the richness of diversity of opinions and beliefs that can help us find creative resolutions to our conflicts and challenges.

Someone gave me for Christmas a small bottle of an essential oil called Valor and when I dab it on in the mornings it has become a wonderful reminder for me to dig deep every day for the courage that lives within all of us. Hard as it is, at times, I want to live a life in which I find the courage to speak out, irrespective of how others respond, and the courage to listen so that I can do what I can to enrich my own life and that of the society in which I live.     

          

Couples' Magic

Eric's Blog

Thank You

 

Thank you

For doing the washing

For making supper

 

Thank you's

Show appreciation

For mundane jobs

And partnership in living

 

Lesley and I have a habit of saying "Thank you" for things we do for each other. I must admit, I acquired the habit from her and I really like it. It let's others know they are not being taken for granted. It also helps me become aware of others' contribution.

 

Some couples seem incapable of this simple gesture. They act as adversaries in living together and see saying "Thank you" as "I owe you one" or "I am one down to you".

 

Share the joy of living together with a simple "Thank you". It is catching.

The Sound of Silence

Lesley's Blog

This is a follow-up to the blog , "A Convenient Pilgrimage".

" But peace, perhaps.
There is no quiet that matters
Except inside your head"

"Not needing to clutch
The thread of our thought-
For most of us, an only time
To be still and catch a glimpse
Of our spinning
To be an echo from the center
And go on unfolding
As all the smells of growing
Unfold moistly round us."

From Soundings by Christine Evans (who has lived intermittently on Bardsey)


Four hours on Bardsey might not be thought of as a "real" pilgrimage but for me being on the holy island of Bardsey proved to be a magical and sacred moment in time.  

The beginning set the scene; arriving late at the parking place (or so I thought), frustrated at myself, running down to the beach to get to the boat on time only to have to wait an hour. But it was in the waiting that the gift began, allowing a release of the need for things to happen in a certain way and the opening up to embrace whatever happens just as it is.

The day was glorious with clear blue sky and barely a breath of wind. The sea moved gently onto the sand with no sign of the ferocity that it often displayed, that would make the crossing to the island a dangerous enterprise.Today the sea was showing us its gentle side, beckoning me to relax, release and restore.The cove was a wonderful place to explore and I delighted in peering into caves and rock pools and inspecting barnacles and limpets clinging precariously to the stones scattered along the beach. Some of the groups of large rocks were smoothed by millions of years of being washed by the waves while others were jagged and seemingly untouched by the elements.

When the boat appeared a sense of quiet anticipation seemed to fill all of us as we waded, with feet bared and clothes hiked up above knobbly knees, into the frigid ocean to climb aboard. After a smooth crossing we stepped onto the shore at Cafn Enlli. In the stone boathouse by the jetty are stored the long oars used in bygone days by hardy men who braved treacherous seas to bring people and needed supplies back and forth from the mainland. It's a sobering reminder that life on an isolated island would have a harsh and unpredicable side that our romantic notions, especially on such a calm day, might overlook.

It was the "sound of silence" that was the most striking, as I walked along the unpaved track by stone walls. With no cars allowed there seemed to be a different freedom of movement, more basic, clean and earthy.Following the path I passed sturdy houses, built to withstand the wind and storms that can batter this small island, finally arriving at the ruins of the 13th century Augustinian Abbey. This community of devout monks was a Christian late comer to the island. The first monastery was probably founded by St. Cadfan in about 516. Although nothing physically is left of those celtic brothers in Christ, historic memory and the accummulation of sacred energy is their legacy to us.  

Inside the ruins had been placed a rough slate topped altar with a cross carved on the front. Above, in the window arch on a jagged piece of slate stood a simple celtic cross. It was beautiful and touching. Sitting on a bench in the silence I was surprised by the welling of tears in my eyes. This moment of "knowing" the sacredness of this island, formed by hundreds of prayers that had been uttered over the centuries and the devotion of the men who uttered them was, I realised my pilgrimage. 

Giving thanks I left with a joyful heart to visit the Bardsey Island Trust Shop and Exhibition Center, across the road. I was greeted by Dennis, the caretaker's dog, who carried his leash hopefully in his mouth, obviously harboring great expectations of a walk. He vigorously denied that anyone had ever taken him for a walk, even though his owner indicated that they had circumambulated the island just that morning. When I did not respond to his pitiful look and pleadings, he returned deflated to lie on the floor waiting for the next visitor who might take him more seriously.

It was here that the ultimate in porta potties was to be found, if your bladder or other needs are calling. Simply a plastic loo shaped bucket sitting on the stone floor with not even a pit below, it would serve its purpose but only if you were desperate. It was a reminder that sacredness is fundamentally very basic in nature or maybe even based in nature.

In the graveyard close by were two of the passengers from the boat. The trip was a birthday treat for the older women given to her by her daughter-in-law. The mother-in-law lived on the mainland and over the years had often gazed longingly at the Bardsey lighthouse beam, hoping that one day she might visit the island. Lovingly, her daughter-in- law had made her wish come true. 

Walking further, I soon stopped to eat my filling lunch of bread and cheese outside a small chapel with a heavy arched wooden door, above which hung a bell with a long chain attached. Refraining from the urge to pull the chain, I entered into the homey place of worship which had four wooden pews on each side and a small table covered with a white cloth serving as an altar. It was lovely and heartfelt in its simplicity. 

Time was running out but I made a last stop at the sandy beach, Porth Solfach, on the opposite side of the island to the jetty. I wade up to mid thigh in the clear, frigid ocean and watch with pleasure the bobbing heads of the seals, seemingly peering at me with great curiosity. Fancifully I wonder if they might be silkies, those mystical creatures who can explore the seas as seals or shed their skin and become human. But if they stay on the land too long they will dry up so must put their skin back and return to the watery depths to be replenished. I wonder if it is the same for us. Are those times when we feel dried up beckoning us to swim again in the watery depths of our feelings to help us know our way once more.

Back on the boat the engine rumbles into life and soon the island is a small spot on the horizon. But it remains large and vivid in my mind. As the other passengers chat about with each other I sit in silence thinking about the need for silence being like the need for water, without it we dry up and become brittle, surface only creatures. When we forget to be present to the truth of ourself, revealed in stillness and silence, we lose connection to the deep life that keeps us moist and vibrant, flexible and creative.

And I think of how much courage it took to live on a place like Bardsey in those earlier centuries for the magic and sacredness was certainly balanced by the hardships and sufferings. And I think of how I might be more sturdy, hardy and courageous in my own life.

When I was a child I went to the south of Wales for vacation with my parents. My memories of that time are very vague except for the visit we made to Caldey Island, where there was a strong order of monks. Although access for women visitors was limited, we were allowed to observe the monks at one of their worship services. It was amazingly beautiful, I remember, and recalling that on the boat trip from Bardsey, I wondered about how we respond to the internal calling from that "monk" energy that is in all of us, usually well hidden. Is it that energy that helps us balance aloneness with community and prayerful time with plain hard work, all of which are equally sacred.

The arrival back to the beach stopped my musing and I let the questions release into my unconscious to be replenished with wisdom for later review.

It had been a wonder filled day.     
    

               

Stop Digging

Eric's Blog

Stop Digging

 

When you find yourself

In a hole

Stop digging

 

Crawl out

And

Get a new perspective

 

 

 

Sometimes when we get depressed we do the same things over and over again. We know they are not working and we have limited energy to do them. Even the previously "fun" things don't feel like fun anymore. We know we need to do something different. That something may not always be apparent and it may take trial and error to find it. It is worth the effort and it doesn't help to keep digging.

Experimenting

Lesley's Blog

This blog was written a couple of weeks ago. I did not post it at the time so it is sort of "outdated"  as we have gone and come back from our vacation already. But I like the idea of life as an experiment so I wanted to share my thoughts even after the fact. I have added an "after the experiment" update at the end. Enjoy.


In August we will be in New Mexico for a week. The dogs are going with us and we are considering this jaunt to be an experiment.

It will be the first time we have taken our two seventy pound smooth collies with us on vacation and we are not sure how much of a vacation it will be. The pet friendly cabin we have rented is on seven acres but the land is not fenced securely. Our dogs are used to going in and out of the house through the dog door into our fenced yard whenever they want to. Although they are completely house trained and do not destroy property ( at least not since Merlin graduated from puppyhood and eating cell phones left within his reach) we wonder what the anxiety of being in a strange house might bring. 

Like many couples, Eric and I tend to have different views and different ways of doing things at times. I tend to follow rules and not take risks and so being in someone else's property with our dogs is creating some anxiety for me. I want to make sure I do the "right" thing and that nothing goes wrong. Eric tends to feel it will all be okay and that the dogs and everything else will be fine. 

We want to be able to do some site seeing while we are there and many places will not be welcoming of our beloved dogs. But I need to be certain that the dogs will be okay left alone in a strange place and that no property will be damaged. 

So we have talked at length about our different styles and, given that I am the one who has the most anxiety, what I need in order to feel alright. We have already taken care of some of the issues by renting a property located on seven acres so that our barking collies will not disturb the peace of the neighborhood. Then we will test how comfortable the dogs are in the cabin by leaving them alone for increasingly longer periods of time. Giving them plenty of exercise before we leave them alone will hopefully ensure that they will be doing lots of napping in our absence. 

When I was in my twenties I worked as a research scientist and although experiments are planned with a hypothesis in mind, it is important that the researchers remain detached from the outcome so as not to influence the results. The actual experiment needs to be carefully designed and the results taken into account when designing subsequent experiments to provide further knowledge. 

Science is also about creatively thinking outside the box, taking risks and leaps of faith, being flexible, listening to intuitive ideas all finally focused in to a specific structure in order to reveal wisdom. Over time with careful thought and planning and ongoing additions of creativity and flair, that wisdom can be increased incrementally to hopefully help all beings in some way.

In many ways we can think of a well lived life in the same way, a wonderful combination of organization and the wildness of creativity, living the process without attachment to outcome. I love thinking about my life in terms of a series of experiments and I approached this vacation in that way, beginning with the idea "we can have a great vacation with the dogs." Then I imagined how we could create a wonderful experience taking into account such factors as drive distance, type of accommodation and, as importantly, mine and Eric's emotional issues that might be significant. 

I researched options and plans but always with the understanding in mind that it is just a series of experiments and that staying detached from the outcome and being willing to adjust to ongoing data will allow us to be pleasantly surprised and joy filled no matter what happens. We will adjust and cope with creativity, flexibility, flair, intuition and lots of organization and practical plans!!

Some people might ask "But where does spontaneity come in?" I personally have found spontaneity to be rather overrated but I know that others love to live in that style. However trying to take dogs on vacation spontaneously might be quite a challenge so for now I will stick to my experiments.

After the Experiment

It was a really good experience and the planning we had done proved to be most helpful for us and the dogs. Mostly we were able to go with few expectations and were careful to do less rather than more so that we did not get overly tired or stressed. It worked well to remind each other when things were difficult that "it's just an experiment".

We and the dogs enjoyed a nice balance of exercising and seeing amazing sites with lots of rest and restoration. Our choice of activities focused on "the road less traveled" rather than the usual tourist haunts and on several occasions we were alone in the countryside so that our dogs had lots of freedom to roam.

Now back at home we are grateful to have two very adaptable and mostly well behaved dogs. We are gratedful for a safe trip and that we had the opportunity to see and do new things in the beautiful state of New Mexico. We are also grateful for the dog door and a fenced yard so we do not need to go out in the early morning or late evening to supervise the dogs.

We are especially grateful for the experiment of living every day.

   

Life Pitches

Eric's Blog

Life Pitches

 

A fast ball

I learn to hit it

 

A curve ball

I struggle but do OK

 

A slider

Knocks me down

 

I get up

It's hard to get up

 

I need more fast balls

A few curves

And less sliders

 

 

Each of us has difficult times. Some are easier to cope with than others. Some of us can't hit fast balls; some can't hit curve balls. For me it's a slider.

 

What makes for a slider? Sometimes it's multiple losses in succession or totally unexpected calamities that try my usual coping skills. They knock me down but in time I get up again and bat. It's no fun lying on the ground. 

A Convenient Pilgrimage

Lesley's Blog

For many years my parents lived in North Wales, a very special area of the United Kingdom that I delighted in exploring, especially on foot. On the North West side of Wales is the Llyn Peninsula, at the end of which is Bardsey Island, known in earlier times as The Island of Twenty Thousand Saints. A place of pilgrimage, especially in the Middle Ages, Bardsey Island can be a challenging place to access with the turbulent waters of the Sound making the several mile trip unpredictable at best. Whether it was the difficulty of the journey or the holiness of the island, or both, it was traditionally accepted that three pilgrimages to Bardsey were equivalent of one to THE place of Christian pilgrimage, Rome.

I arrived in the village of Aberdaron on the evening of a warm summer day to begin my own form of pilgrimage to Bardsey. After staying overnight in a bed and breakfast establishment, I started off early the next morning in plenty of time to find the boat, or so I thought. The parking place, I had been told, was a field from which there was a long walk down to a beach and the boat. The field proved to be very elusive and, after losing the way for a while, I finally arrived at 10:10a.m. I raced in to park my car, with the dire warning ringing in my head that I had to be at the loading area by 10:15a.m., the implication being that the boat would wait for no man (or woman for that matter). The uneven path across more fields down to the cove was fortunately just that, down hill. I ran vigorously to arrive panting and exhausted, late. No boat was in sight: an interesting beginning to my "pilgrimage" day, especially as the boat approached the shore about an hour later.

Several people were wandering on the beach and an older woman and young boy were amazingly swimming in the frigid ocean. The were part of the Ch..... family, the brave swimmers being the grandmother and grandson. Mr and Mrs Ch..... had been to Bardsey several times and on one occasion, they told me, had been stranded for several additional days, after a week's stay, when bad weather prohibited their return boat journey across the Sound.

The Ch.....'s had been involved with organizing a pilgrimage for two thousand people from the Diocese of Bangor, a town on the North Welsh coast. The journey was significantly easier and faster than for earlier pilgrims who endured hardships galore in order to reach the holy destination. In contrast these modern day pilgrims set out in luxury coaches. Several energetic and dedicated individuals did choose to walk a section of the original pilgrims' way, a minor "hardship" in comparison. 

Part of Mrs Ch.....'s job was as organizer of "conveniences" as they are known in Britain (or bathrooms in the United States). She contacted villages along the route to ensure an ample supply of "loos". Apparently, on arrival at said toilets, they often found them adorned with a fresh coat of paint, probably the first for many years. The villagers had clearly been spiritually inspired! With great ingenuity Mrs Ch..... also persuaded a small group of monks at a retreat house along the way to open up their latrines. It was a massive degree of organization for a potty break. Oh! the joys of being a modern pilgrim with all the modern conveniences.

At first reading, a journey of well organized luxury might not seem like a very adequate "pilgrimage" but who are we to judge. It is likely that each participant had his or her unique spiritual process and experience, not to mention the impact on the public toilets along the way. Doing something very small with little effort can be as transforming as a lengthy arduous experience. I believe that whatever we need spiritually is what is presented to us and it is up to us to decide what to make of it, large or small, easy or difficult. 

As for my own Bardsey experience? I'll let you know next blog.         

Keep Your Shoes

Eric's Post

 

Keep Your Shoes

 

When we imagine ourselves

In someone's shoes

We have empathy

 

Empathy is a good thing

It helps us understand

And feel for others

 

Some people though

Lose their shoes when they

Walk in the shoes of others

 

Keep your shoes

Live with compassion

For yourself and others

 

Sensivity to others, their needs, their ways, their values is an important part of connecting with others. It helps us respect them and treat them with dignity. However, as we become sensitive to others it is also important that we remain sensitive to ourselves, our needs, our values, our belief systems, so we don't get lost in our lives. Compassion for ourself and others is a humane path for all of us.  

The Modern Pilgrim

Lesley's Post

A few months ago I watched the movie "The Way" in which a man takes the ashes of his son on the pilgrimage route, Camino de Santiago (The Way of St. James), through northern Spain to Santiago de Compostela, a walk of several hundred miles. At the final destination it is said that the remains of St.
James are buried. In former times this long journey would have been very arduous and dangerous, not just because of the distance but brigands roamed the countryside and pilgrims were easy prey.

Over time towns, villages, hospices, monasteries and means of protection for the pilgrims developed so that food, accommodation and safety were increasingly available. In the movie the characters were well fed and certainly safe but the accommodations were not of the en suite variety, which is my strong preference. Several years ago, before my ankle injury, I had read articles about this pilgrimage and had put the journey on my internal "bucket list". Now older and with a greater love of soft beds and private bathrooms, I muttered to my spouse while watching the movie, "Remind me not to sign up for this".

Early Christians, such as the Desert Fathers, sought places of solitude in which to more deeply connect with the God of their understanding. For those believers it was the desert, whereas Celtic Christians often sought natural wildness and solitude on islands. These pilgrims, known as Pelegrini, (linked by its Latin root to the concept of wandering over a great distance), set out on ocean voyages in what we would consider very inadequate vessels made of wood covered with animal skin, waterproofed with tallow. With very little knowledge of sea craft, they made leaps of faith to endure hard and unpredictable journeys over uncharted waters. On the islands they sailed to, life was equally hard and unpredictable.

Living in communities or as hermits, these devout and brave wanderers sought and found what they wanted, a strengthening of their love for their wonderous Creator. They also found in those wild places a powerful relationship with nature which was reflected in their writings and poetry. Like Thoreau, they knew abundance in simplicity and peace in the grinding rhythm of daily prayer and hard labor. And with their prayers and devotions the sacredness of the space gathered in energy to sustain them over the years. They were the embodiment of what it means to be a pilgrim.

In places like Tibet, even today, pilgrims can be seen moving on bound knees, blocks tied to their hands for addition protection while making prostrations, as they shuffles along with excrutiating slowness towards or around places they consider sacred. These truly commited souls, looking humility in the eye with every movement, seem to epitomize the arduous nature of pilgrimage.

So, in this day and age in America, what does it mean to be a pilgrim, to seek to know something of the Divine? With few wild places to wander to and with many of the sacred places being easily accessible, not to mention commercialized, how to we embrace a desire to make a meaningful pilgrimage? Does it have to be dangerous without mod cons, as in the days of old? Can we really find "Paradise Lost" in our modern world without much solitude in nature and the hard physicality of sustaining our daily life?

In the movie the characters discussed their stated reasons for choosing to make the journey but by the end it was clear that those were not their "soul" reasons. One woman wanted to give up smoking and a man wanted to lose weight. They were heading for a sacred place where thousands of individuals over hundreds of years have uttered prayers and made supplications, hoping for their own miracle. What they learned, of course, was that the process of journeys change us in unexpected ways and the miracle is when our hearts open, when we let go of our longed for outcome, and allow the changes to work within us. And for many, just feeling that sacred energy, a palpable expression of the Divine, has been reason enough to make the journey. Feeling the Divine Love is the miracle.

Maybe it is as simple as that all life is a pilgrimage in which we wander, being in tune with the process but releasing the outcome, expecting the unexpected and being commited to learning the lessons along the way. Can we visit the wild and natural places of solitude within and embrace the hardship and miracles of life just as they are. And maybe now our pilgrimage also calls us to ask where and in what activities in our daily life do we most experience the sacred energy, and to be deeply present to those moments in time. Does it call us to be devoted in each moment of our lives as were the early Celtic Christians with their wonderful prayers said for every mundane task? And can our pilgrimage mean that we embrace the joy of moments of solitude in nature, compassion in community  and love of life's everyday toils?

I don't know. Each person's life path is different and each pilgrimage is unique. Our task, I suppose, is to take the first step and keep going, opening ourselves to whatever comes along the way.  





   

TIME

ERIC'S POST

TIME

Better late

Than never

 

This is a motto

Some live by

 

But they are always late

To a time we have agreed upon

 

I'm on time

Almost always on time

 

It's my motto

I don't like theirs

 

 

Some people seem to feel like it is their right to always come late. It's like they feel entitled. If I am late you should understand over and over again. Once in awhile is OK. Habitual lateness irks me. We have a plan. If you cannot make the plan then don't make it or change it as we make it. Most of the people in my current life are respectful of our joint commitments. I am grateful for this. 

 



Meandering in Mazy Motion

Lesley's Post

Recently I watched a movie on the life of Diane Vreeland and loved the way she lived with an amazing intensity and had a career during which she was extraordinarily creative. She worked very hard but at the same time pushed the boundaries of the possible and clearly thought and behaved "outside the box".

Now I don't imagine that I can be like this one of a kind person, and I don't actually want to because I am aware that everything has it's downside and dark side. But in the wake of seeing the movie I went to a store owned by a friend and "unconsciously" bought a hot pink shapely outfit, quite unlike something I would usually purchase. It felt like I was exploring an "out of the box" part of myself in just a very small way. It seemed as if I had wandered into a little bit of wildness.      

The Poem "Kubla Khan" is a favorite of mine and I especially love the line,
                  "Five miles meandering in a mazy motion".
According to the dictionary the word "meander" means to take a winding or indirect course; wander aimlessly; ramble. "Mazy" means full of confusing turns, passages; like a maze.

Throughout most of my life I have developed goals and plans that have guided my life and when Plan A did not work, then I would develop Plan B or C until I found a way through the difficulty or crisis. It has been the opposite of "meandering in mazy motion" or living in the wildness and yet for the most part it has worked. After much education, I have had a meaningful career as a psychologist, mostly in private practice, planned wonderful vacations, for myself and others, and had a well organized home life. It has been good and I feel very blessed.

Now in my sixties and entering the retirement years, I feel drawn to live somewhat differently with less goal direction and outcomes and more meandering and enjoying the process. It is proving to be a challenge. It is hard to stand in the face of the dark side of being a planner, the guilt and the "shoulds" that can raise their ugly heads when I am not busy with some productive, goal directed behavior.

But I am determined to join the "Wanderers" of this world who journey to explore the unknown regions of the landscape, both internally and externally, where the wildness of us still remains waiting for us to arrive. And I hope that Carol Pearson is right in her book "The Hero Within" when she writes in the chapter "The Wanderer", "Indeed, the Wanderer ultimately teaches us to be ourselves - to be fully true to ourselves in every moment." When I ask myself "What do I deeply desire?", it is just that - to know my true self and be that in every moment. 

So, I hereby commit to meandering in mazy motion, wandering and rambling through my life, freeing myself to discover all I can about my internal and external landscape. And I trust that there is a way to be both pleasantly organized with plans and wander merrily into the wildness.       

WAITING

Eric's Post 

Waiting for

The movie to start

 

Waiting for

The food to arrive

 

Waiting for

The sun to come up

 

Waiting for the future

Loses the present moment

And what is happening now

 

In waiting sometimes

We want something else to be happening

 

Now is happening

Seizing that moment

Captures the present opportunity

 

 

Waiting is a natural part of living. Sometimes when we are waiting we miss the opportunites of the present moment; opportunities for meaningful conversation, activities and achievements. Looking to the future for satisfaction or fulfillment may place unrealistic expectations on the future moment to bring pleasures that are never realized.

 

As a boy I remember "waiting" for days to open my Christmas presents and often being disappointed at the results. That "waiting" period was almost torturous and I missed opportunities for enjoying myself. Early in my adult life I realized that "now" is a gift and endeavored to live increasingly in the place of the moment.

Some people put off joy and satisfaction to the future by saying, "When this happens ..... " I can relax or feel better. Sadly they miss all the moments in between.

 

So, let's seize the moment, the "NOW" opportunity as we wait.  

 

  



The Post Office

Lesley's Post

Rushing into the post office yesterday I was relieved there was only one person at the counter and no line. I had a lot to do and this was going to be quick. The assistant behind the counter asked the customer if she needed anything else and I anticipated that the check-out was immanent. The woman thought for a moment and then asked what sort of stamps were available. A red covered folder with several pages was handed to her and she slowly turned over each page studying the pictures on the stamps.

As I stood and watched I could feel the irritation rising. I wanted her to hurry up so I could hurry up and continue to check off my list of things to do. Patience was nowhere to be found.

There is nothing particularly unusual about this scenerio. We go to stores and wait in line everyday but today I was interested in my internal reactions. I found myself becoming increasingly irritated with each page of stamps that was being studied and although maybe such a response might be understandable, I felt ashamed at myself for such feelings. The internal conflict between the irritation at the situation and my efforts to change my thoughts and feelings to those more closely resembling a modicum of loving kindness raged merrily inside of me.

Becoming irritated in the post office might not seem a big deal and certainly not worth blogging about. But I want to change my behavior and be the sort of person who could be in the present moment with patience and peace, irrespective of the circumstance - well, maybe not in all circumstances!! But I do believe that life is about the small things and I can ask myself to make every effort to develop responses that are in line with my deepest desires for my behavior.

So, here I was, irritable and impatient and the best I could do was to be aware of the conflict busily intensifying inside me. At least that was something and a first step towards change.

It wasn't long after I left the post office that I released the irritation and the shame and reflected on why I had reacted in such a way. It wasn't rocket science of course - I was in a hurry and had lots to do so my own internal tension quickly took flight and landed on the unsuspecting customer at the counter. My tension became her fault. Not a good plan when one of the cardinal rules psychologically and spiritually is to not direct blame onto others.

Later I attended a spiritual group that meets monthly and I was recounting my experience both externally and internally. We talked about it for a while and then suddenly we were laughing at ourselves for all the really silly things we do on a daily basis, things that are definitely not in line with our hopes for a spiritual path. As we told funny stories about our "non spiritual" antics, the laughter was like a breath of fresh air bringing perspective and healing in its wake.

Spiritual work is moment to moment and by no means easy but the load is lightened by laughter and the support of loving community who remind that judgment of self is as destructive as judgment of others. They help us know that we don't have to be perfect and that "baby" steps are good enough. The post office was another lesson offering and even though I "failed" I can be gentle with myself as future lessons are presented and meet the challenge the best I can.   

A PERSON

 

The message said

 

You have

 

Eight options to

 

Choose from

 

 

I press one

 

Then two, then three

 

Then back to one again

 

 

Then I hang up

 

I want to speak with

 

A person

 

 

The lack of personal connection in today's ultra tech world is very difficult for me. When I call a number and get a recorded message, options, then music while I am on hold, I become irritable. Then depending on the importance of the call, I hang on waiting for the next music or the statement "Your call is important to us".

 

With computer issues, sometimes I am outsourced to another country and have difficulty understanding what they are saying to me.

 

There must be a better way for business calls to be answered. I want to speak with a person and be able to understand them.  

 

 



The Work Habit

Eric's Post

The Work Habit

 

 

Work First

Get It Done

Feel the Sense of Accomplishment

 

The Work Habit

Is Ingrained in My Soul

And has Served Me Well

 

But Now in the Present

It Remains So Strong

That it Inhibits My Play and Leisure

 

It is Time

To Open that Soul

To New Ways of Living

 

When I was a boy I remember watching television and my father saying to me "Can't you do something constructive?" My father was a hard worker and especially in his later years, when he was not able to be as productive, he often languished over what he could no longer accomplish through his work. I have incorporated part of my father's work habit.It has helped me accomplish many things. Now approaching 70 years old, I look at modifying it and finding ways to bring more leisure and play in my life.



I'm making progress. It is a matter of consciously reminding myself that the work I have done is good enough for now. When I can feel that sense of satisfaction, I can enjoy my play and leisure.